Settling Down

Every time I go on my Facebook or Twitter, it seems like another couple has just got engaged or announced yet another pregnancy.

Being only 19 years old, I never thought that my own classmates and friends would be starting their journey of love and happiness so early. I know everyone has their time and love is everywhere and anywhere, but it always had me second guessing that maybe I am not going at the pace I want. Attending CSU is one of the best decisions I have ever made and I don’t regret spending the next couple of years involved in the community and working towards my degree. Yet, there has always been an urge inside me to just settle down and start the life with the person I love. I am a busy girl and I love putting my time and effort to the things I love (which is 10000% finishing my bachelors and having the opportunity to afford education), but seeing all the good and life changing events happening every minute on my social media feed has caused an indiscernible sadness I can’t really distinguish. It could be jealousy or guilt or maybe even just regret, but the wishing and hoping to drop everything and run to my boyfriend is slowly growing more and more (and don’t even get me started on baby fever!). I’ve talked to everyone I know and it seems like they all know they don’t want to be married and have children until their education is obtained and money stays rolling into their bank accounts. This totally makes sense and I absolutely understand the logic behind it. Maybe it’s the maternal urge in me to feel the need to jump in and love as quickly as I can, but it’s been hard for me to shake the feeling off.

This feeling is on either side of the spectrum from college women knowing exactly how I feel or completely pushing the idea of starting a life as far away as possible. As women, or even just people, it’s hard to know what you want and how you hope your future will pan out. No matter how strong or hard you may fight, it’s always important to keep a goal in mind and understand to follow your heart. I know that no matter how badly I want to settle down, many future will start once I get that sweet, sweet diploma in my hand. Love will always be around, and so will education, but it will be on my own terms concerning which one will start the race.