It feels a little embarrassing to admit, but in the lovely year of 2024, I got COVID for the first time. I don’t know how I managed to go four years without (at least knowingly) getting it–I test religiously every time I feel sick, and I almost started to wonder if I was somehow immune. Maybe I was, what the kids call, built different? Not so, as it turns out. After going from fine and dandy at 7pm last Friday to feeling like my sinuses decided to method act the pressure in the Mariana Trench by 7:10pm–I decided it may not hurt to COVID test. Lo and behold, she was as positive as a motivational speaker after three cups 0f coffee. After immediately throwing on a mask, I did what any responsible grown adult would do and panic-called my parents. Luckily, I live only a few hours from campus, and they were able to bring me home to isolate the next day–far preferable to continuously exposing my roommate and huddling in my basement double where nary an ounce of sunlight dares to stray.
As someone who does not particularly enjoy sitting still but who was also undoubtedly sick–I was decidedly not blessed with asymptomatic COVID–I ended up getting up to some tomfoolery and shenanigans while locked in a single room for five straight days. And what kind of Gen Z-er am I if I do not turn that tomfoolery into content? While I do not pretend this article will cure cancer (or COVID) or reverse climate change, I hope it livens up your day, or maybe kills five minutes–whatever you need, really. Without further ado, a ranking of shenanigans from my ADHD brain.
- Does My Cat Like Cat TV?
In all his twelve-and-a-half years on this planet, my cat, Ollie, has never seemed to care once for screens. Cameras? He won’t look at ‘em. Good luck getting those modeling shots! Phones? You’d think someone put a sign on them saying “look literally everywhere else.” TV? Not even on his radar. Out of curiosity (and a whole lot of boredom), though, I decided to see if he would go for one of those “Cat TV” livestreams on YouTube–you know, the ones with the birds and fish and squirrels? Oh boy, was he a changed kitty. You’d think I opened a portal to a dimension filled with salmon filet and caviar, and the only way to get to it was to stare intently, paws as high on the cabinet as they could reach, at the screen, eyes wide as saucers. Out of fear that he would take a leap onto my record player in a desperate attempt to get his paws on high-definition squirrel, I ended up cutting this particular experiment short, to much protest from a certain orange-and-white creature. 9.5/10 (felt kinda bad for Ollie).
- Peanut Butter Hockey (variation)
I have a fun little game borne from the throes of sleep-deprived Harris dining hall lunches I lovingly dub, “Peanut Butter Hockey.” The objective is simple: Pick a target and bat one of those plastic single-serve peanut butter discs at it. If you hit the target? Great, pick a new one. If not, try again! While I did not have a peanut butter disc, I did have the cap to a bottle of Advil, which I would rate an 8/10. My aim was a solid 2.5/10, but it isn’t much higher than that without a fever, so I digress.
- How Long Can I Stand By The Window?
Getting COVID and immediately being hit by a snowstorm and cold snap is really fun when you aim to keep the window open if at all possible for ventilation. As a result of not wanting to infect my entire family, I froze my tail off (it wasn’t that bad). Because I had a rather vile fever, my body could not decide whether it wanted to reenact the Ice Age or channel its inner Surface of the Sun–one minute I was shivering under four blankets, the next I was sweating buckets in a tank top and shorts as if I was sunning myself in South Florida. During one of these latter phases, I decided it might be fun to see how long I could go, tank top-and-shorts-clad, standing directly by the window. I made it pretty long, but once we went back into Phase Pleistocene, that one stopped being fun. 6/10.
- Messing With The Record Player (lightly)
This one is not very involved–I do not want to actually mess anything up. By messing with it, I mean playing vinyls intended to spin at 33 RPM at 45 RPM so they sound fast and kinda silly. Entertaining for a very short time. Annoying after that. 3/10.
- Does My Cat Like The Lion King?
Ollie was really a guinea pig in this ranking. Sorry, Ollie. Anyway, this one was a bust–not only did he never come up to actually watch The Lion King, but I got the daylights scared out of me when, mid “Hakuna Matata,” the Emergency Alert System decided to conduct their required monthly test. So much for no worries, because any degree to which sleep was coming for me bounced right out the window with my ability to taste and smell! Thought the cat might like to see his ancestors, wound up practically jumping through the roof. 1.5/10.
- Schoolwork
Difficult. Big brain. COVID did not like focusing. I tried very hard. 1/10.