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Our Dream Bacchanal Performers

As the epic debauchery approaches, Barnard BFFs Paulina and Olivia have returned to share who they wish would take the Low Steps stage.


Jason Derulo

Think about it, have you ever met someone who has seen him in concert? This experience would be amazing. Think of all his classic hits: “Whatcha say?”, “Want To Want Me”, “Wiggle”, “Talk Dirty to Me”, “Trumpets.” It would be epic and everyone would sing along. (Don’t lie, hipsters. You know the words.)


Hologram of One Direction with ZAYN as Opener

Both of us were present at Coachella for the infamous Tupac hologram, so we know first hand the impact these images can have. In a tragic turn of events, our favorite British boy band disbanded earlier this year causing teens (and us) around the world weep for days on end. If you’re a hater, just watch the Morgan Spurlock directed (shocking, we know) documentary on them and, if you have a heart and two ears, you will fall in love. We would love to see the boys reunited through the magic of technology so that we can all sing one last “You Don’t Know You’re Beautiful” together in perfect unison. 


Really Good Cover Band

Ever been to a wedding with a really good cover band? Well, Paulina has and she can tell you firsthand that it was like going to a bunch of concerts all in one. It’s not like anyone will remember the performer anyway, so why not have someone who can do it all? They would be able to cater to all musical preferences and everyone would be stoked.


Rihanna feat. Andy Samburg

Imagine this: You’re at Bacchanal. You’re already so hype because RiRi is the performer (WORK WORK WORK WORK). But then, Andy Samburg appears and they do a live version of “Shy Ronnie”! We, for one, would simply love to hear Rihanna’s hits live from “Pon De Replay” to “Bitch Better Have My Money.”


Justin Bieber

We are living IN the Bieb-assance. What a time to be alive. Everyone likes Justin Bieber. And everyone loves a comeback kid. It’s Justin Bieber’s world, and we’re just living in it. Sorry.

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Paulina Cohen

Columbia Barnard

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