As I was on the phone with my mom earlier today, struggling to find the words to convey just exactly what Bacchanal is, I sought my good friend Dictionary.com to help me find exactly what I was trying to say. What I found was:
Bacchanal: noun
1) a follower of Bacchus.
2) a drunken reveler.
3) an occasion of drunken revelry; bacchanalia.
Well, I hardly think the definition needs any further clarification than that. While many of us may not consider ourselves devotees of the great and bearded Roman God of wine, I’m sure that many of us will define ourselves by the latter definitions of the term. A bright spring day with live music is certainly a call to Bacchanal: that is to say, an invitation to an occasion characterized by drunken revelry.
I, for one, intend to fulfill my calling wholeheartedly and with no regrets. So, I am carefully planning my Bacchanal to ensure that my celebrations indeed reach divine proportions worthy of Bacchus himself.
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Step I: The Bacchanal Diet
Bacchanal (and the sad, carb-less reality of Passover) is a fantastic example to start getting in bikini shape. After a winter of what I might characterize as mild lethargy, and what others might characterize as legitimate hibernation, I plan to hit the gym devotedly the week before Bacchanal so I can have a prayer of looking my very best in my Bacchanal suit (i.e. an obnoxious neon crop top and/or bikini). Attractiveness, not embarrassment, is the name of the game on the big day. Treat Bacchanal as motivation to start once again toning those dormant muscles. It’s Bikini-season-eve.
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Step II: Know Your Stars
Who is Wavves? I’ve heard this tragic lament too often since the big artist reveal. Well, my friends, those who shall seek shall know. Look up the different artists before you get to the concert, and familiarize yourself with at least a smattering of their music so that you can both actually enjoy yourself, and seem super savvy (and/or pretentious) to the rest of your friends. You will enjoy the concert so much more if you can sing/hum/warble along in your crop top. Just please pick a key to sing in first.
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Step III: I’m Ready for my Close Up
Get camera ready! Get your nails done, a makeover, an eyebrow wax, whatever it takes. You want to be ready to be caught candid, but that means being aware of your surroundings so that you can be simultaneously effortlessly attractive. This also means being aware of your surroundings and state of mind. Be smart with where you take pictures, and be cognizant of any “bacchanalia” (objects in the background) and any “worshipful” faces you may not want to be documented for posterity. Be photographed as though you belong on Mount Olympus.
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Step IV: Let the Wild Rumpus Start
Make sure all immediately pressing work is done in advance. You don’t want to be worrying about work when you’re busy trying to get in shape, putting your game face on, and catching up on your Big Gigantic. Make it so that you truly can free your mind and spirit and feel the essence of spring and sunlight on the big day. Your day will be ruined if all your friends are rocking right outside of Butler, and you’re stuck in a tragic cage of work on the inside. Don’t be that kid who misses Bacchanal for a paper. Get your work done so you can get your A-Game on.
Hope to see all you fellow Bacchanals toned, tan, fit, and ready out on the lawns with me. Let’s get some religion about rocking out. And, as my mom told me as I described Bacchanal, let’s all remember to make good choices.