As anyone who has gone abroad during his or her years at college can tell you, describing exactly how it was or how you felt is impossible. In casual conversation when someone asks, “How was abroad?” one usually replies with a cliché, “It was amazing!” or “I loved it,” and to be honest—it’s true. Being abroad IS amazing, but it’s also scary, exciting, confusing, and exhilarating. Most of all, though, going abroad is an experience: a mix of the good, the bad, and the indescribable.
I spent fall semester of my junior year at the University of St. Andrews in Scotland and can honestly say that it was simultaneously the best and hardest semester of my life. I cannot even begin to describe the friendships I formed, especially with the seven girls to whom I still talk on a weekly basis, or the adventures I had. Abroad not only taught me more about myself and all the places to which I travelled, but it also taught me about the people that I have chosen to surround myself with in the last few years. For the next few minutes try to put yourself in my shoes as I relive parts of the best 4 months of my life and think about several lessons I have learned.
It’s Friday September 4th and you’ve made it to Dallas/Ft. Worth International Airport. You go through security waving at your parents and try not to cry because, be honest with yourself, you’re a homebody—an only child whose best friends happen to be your mom and dad, and you’ve never even been to Europe. Obviously the tears come anyway and now you’re sitting alone at 9:30pm in the international terminal questioning your entire decision to go abroad in the first place. After much internal contemplation, several FaceTimes with friends, and two planes, you’ve made it to Scotland! The first week is full of moving in, a new roommate, a lot of enrollment forms, freshmen parties (emphasis on freshmen), and most of all, new friends (who, at the time, you had no idea would turn into the only people with whom you’d ever want to spend your abroad semester). During this first week I learned a few things:
1. How to make friends: I am comfortable with myself. I think I’m funny, I think I’m nice, and I think I’m fairly friendly and personable. HOWEVER, being comfortable with yourself when you’re surrounded by your close friends is something completely different than being comfortable with yourself when you’re alone. I realized that I had to be comfortable with the fact that I was alone and with the fact that if I wanted any friends for the next 4 months, I (and only I) was going to have to find them—and I did! It was really that easy: a little boost of self-confidence (probably from my mom or a friend at home via FaceTime), a “Hi, I’m Anna! Could I go to the party with you?” (Yes, those were my exact words and they actually worked), and a smile to say to myself, and those around me, that everything was going to be okay.
2. You have to give yourself time. The first weeks are incredibly overwhelming, full of orientations, new faces, and exciting travel plans. You have to remember that four months is a fairly long time, though (I say this, but it actually flies by). So calm down and look around. St. Andrews is a beautiful town with two beaches on either side, cute little shops lining the three main cobblestone streets, and more coffee shops than you could even try to count. Honestly, you’re going to have time to plan trips, time to find more friends, time to explore the town, and time to do homework (or not ;)). Don’t rush the friendships or overlook the simple things like taking a walk around your new town. Spend time looking for your favorite coffee shop, smile at the locals, take a walk alone, and most importantly, enjoy YOU.
Its been about one month since you first left the US and you’ve reached what they call the ‘abroad high’ – the point at which you decide you never want to go home. You went to Barcelona with your five best friends from Barnard last weekend and cried like a baby when your 48-hour taste of home was over. Here’s where lesson 3 comes in: Take advantage of the time you get to spend with your friends both at home and at college. If you’ve found ‘your people’, make time for them – time to hangout and watch movies, time to explore your city, time to get dinner, and most of all, time to just say hi. This leads me to lesson 4, which, if I’m being honest, my mom taught me. About halfway into the semester I realized that I really hadn’t talked to as many people from home as I thought I would. I was expecting lots of calls, texts, and snapchats from both high school and college friends to see how I was doing. I remember calling my mom one night explaining how disappointed I was that “no one cared to ask about me.” She presented a very accurate response, “Have you asked them how their life is going?” This one got me. Relationships are a two-way street. As weird as it is to think that life could possibly continue without you there, it can and it will. So lesson 4 comes down to this and can relate to any situation whether abroad or not: if you don’t make time for people, you can’t expect them to make time for you.
With lesson 4 being said, lesson 5 follows suit: I began to realize who would care if I dropped off of planet earth (too dramatic?). It’s like that song, “Find Out Who Your Friends Are.” I realized abroad that there are people at home who truly care about me, but who also need me to show that I care about them. If anything, distance truly, truly makes the heart grow fonder.
Now it’s Thanksgiving – the very first Thanksgiving you’ve ever spent away from home. Picture this: a store-bought rotisserie chicken, mashed potatoes, quinoa stuffing, mac and cheese, and a bag of green beans, all cooked in a shared dorm-style kitchen. Just eight Americans trying a make-shift celebration with four Europeans who are wondering why we’re eating their Christmas meal an entire month early, all sitting in a large circle on the floor of a fairly large double bedroom. Obviously, Thanksgiving wasn’t perfect but it was truly representative of my abroad experience: an adventure full of unforgettable friends, makeshift turkeys, questionable food, and an incredibly full heart.
It’s now December and finals are ending. You’ve eaten at Cromar’s (your favorite fish and chips place) for the last time, sipped the last drops of your Ultimate Hot Chocolate (full of whipped cream and lots of chocolate candies) at your favorite café, eaten eggs benedict at every café in town, climbed the tower in the cemetery with a 360 degree view of both beaches and all three streets of St. Andrews, and shed a few tears at the thought of leaving. I don’t want to be that girl who comes back from abroad saying that it changed her, because it didn’t, I’m still me. However, being away from my comfort zone made me grateful: grateful for my family, my friends, my opportunities, an American burger (WOW), and most of all, grateful for the little things that make life worth living.