Although this will become quite obvious as you start reading, I am in a very silly mood today. I also love dogs and watching TV, which is what inspired me to pursue the topic of what dog breeds different movie or TV show characters would be. Have you ever looked at a character and thought, “If you were a dog, I’d know exactly which dog you would be”? Yes, me too. This is an all too serious and all too common occurrence that must be unpacked once and for all. So, buckle up, because I am about to blow your minds.
- Ms. Trunchbull (‘Matilda’) as a Bulldog
I know this movie is pretty old, but this comparison is GOLD. First of all, Ms. Trunchbull has “bull” in her name, so it just makes sense. And I know bulldogs are really sweet (honestly, all dogs can be). But, if we’re talking about the stereotypical bulldog, and just thinking about the way they look, Ms. Trunchbull would definitely be one. Also, bulldogs are super slobbery and I definitely feel like Ms. Trunchbull is a drooler, just saying.
- Alexis (‘Schitt’s Creek’) as a Poodle
Ah, Alexis. With this comparison, I was mostly thinking about Alexis in the earlier seasons, since she definitely improves throughout the show. Even so, she never did lose her glamour, so she could probably still be a poodle the whole way through. First thing I thought about: Poodles are so pretty and totally give off a high-maintenance energy (but, honestly, go off). In the same way, Alexis is quite pretty and just by judging her outfits in each episode, it’s fair to say that she’s pretty high maintenance (but, again, go off). Also, I could totally see Alexis owning a poodle herself. She’d be like, “Hey Ted, so, which dog is like the prettiest one … one that’s a little big Alexis?” Yeah, poodles are definitely “a little big Alexis.”
- Mr. Peanut Butter (‘Bojack Horseman’) as a Labrador Retriever
Uh, no explanation needed here.
- Jason (‘The Good Place’) as a Golden Retriever
Okay, hear me out. I know Jason is not the brightest dude and golden retrievers are typically very smart. But, other than that, Jason is just a big ol’ dog. He’s happy all the time, he’s pretty energetic, he cares about all of his friends, and, honestly, he just wants love and attention. So, in reality, he could be any kind of dog, but, for some reason, he gives me major golden retriever vibes, so I went with it. Also, I feel like if Jason were a dog, he’d be very fluffy and soft. So, there it is; there is my stone-cold evidence.
- Elsa (‘Frozen’) as a Siberian Husky
Elsa, a literal snow princess… I had to make her a Siberian husky. Huskies are made for the snow, Elsa controls the snow. Huskies are very smart and alert, Elsa is also very smart and alert. Huskies have that snowy white fur on their bellies, Elsa has white hair! I mean, the similarities go on and on. Also, you know how some huskies have one brown eye and one blue eye? The color of that blue eye is the exact same shade of blue as Elsa’s eye, which is pretty cool if you ask me. Lastly, I can just imagine Elsa playing fetch and yelling, “Let it Go!”
- Annalise (‘How to Get Away with Murder’) as a Mastiff
Annalise is such an iconic character, so she definitely deserves an iconic dog breed. Her energy is unmatched and fierce. She’s always the biggest person in the room, her presence just taking up space around her; it’s truly magnificent. That is the exact same way I feel when I see a mastiff. They are tall and mighty just like Annalise; it’s a perfect comparison. Would a mastiff be able to get away with murder, though? Now, that’s a tough one.
Obviously, these are only a handful of dog breeds, but I hope I made a mark with this piece. While writing it, I really felt like this was some of my most groundbreaking work, and I really do hope you feel the same. Maybe, one day, I’ll compare you to a dog breed… what an honor that would be.