I’ve Never Skipped a Class: Secrets of a College Student Unicorn

The title says it all—during  all of my time so far at Columbia, I have never skipped a single lecture, seminar, discussion section, or recitation. Therefore, I am one of few true go-getters on this campus. I often want to help others achieve my level of productivity and work ethic, and I’ve decided the time is now. Wondering how this is possible for me? Looking to do the same? Keep reading for some simple advice on how to make the most of your college experience by going to every single excruciating chemistry lecture.

  1. 1. Be just smart enough to care about your grades, but not smart enough that you can skip class

    I am really, really not one of those people who knows what’s going on in a class after once glance at some Courseworks lecture slides—or two, or three. So if I want to pass (which theoretically, I do), I have to show up and listen to the same explanation that I’ve already seen in the textbook. My mind is just not powerful enough to grasp this stuff on my own.

  2. 2. Have a looming (but not paralyzing) fear of failure

    Sure, I’m pretty confident that I can succeed in my studies here at Columbia, but I’m not that confident. And I really don’t want to move back to the Midwest for at least a couple more years. So by comparison, class seems pretty appealing.

  3. 3. Schedule all your classes in the afternoon or early evening, but don’t tell anyone

    “I’ve never skipped a class” becomes much more attainable when you realize that I haven’t had to get up before 9 a.m. since my senior year of high school. That’s why I conveniently omitted that fact from my earlier bragging (and you should do the same).

  4. 4. Don’t have anything else going on in your life

    Getting to class is also a lot easier when you don’t have that much else going on in your life. Sure, I’m busy, but compared to what other kids get up to at this school—like original scientific research, celebrity activism, and cocaine ring startups—I’ve got the time.

  5. 5. Have a really strong admiration for/crush on all of your professors

    Thankfully this one is very easy for me, since my criteria are pretty much “dark hair,” and “nice to me.” It really makes those lectures seem more engaging when you can’t tell if you want to be friends with your professor, marry them, or just get a really good letter of recommendation. Attending every class keeps you guessing.

Despite my flexing, there’s really nothing particularly useful or special about attending every class. We’re all making the most of our time here at Columbia and feeling guilty about missing yet another dry lecture about electron orbitals (ugh) isn’t worth your valuable energy. So sure, it’s good to leave the dorm every once in awhile, but you’ll never hear judgement from me—I’ll be busy daydreaming about my calc teacher and I’s honeymoon in Florence.