So, we’ve all heard the term cuffing season, right? But what does this trendy term actually mean? I decided to do some research.
The end-all-be-all authority on everything, Urban Dictionary, has a “cuffing season” entry that reads:
“The cold weather and prolonged indoor activity causes singles to become lonely and desperate to be cuffed.”
Wow! I feel like I’m starting to understand, Urban Dictionary, but I could really use an illustrative conversation:
“Brittany: Why is everyone trying to holla this week like outta nowhere?
Tiara: You know cuffing season is in full effect right?
Brittany: Oh yeah you right. I know I won’t be sleeping alone this weekend.”
Basically, my extensive research has led to the working hypothesis that the only accessory better than a SAD lamp in the winter is a significant other! Even though my therapist just told me that I have “a lot of preconceived notions about romance without a lot of experience to back it up”, I invite you to join me on this Carrie Bradshaw-esque guide to finding bae (winter 2k15 edition).
1. Try to look good!
Hilary Duff once said, “I put my makeup on a Saturday night” but if she put it on all the nights, she probably would have landed Ethan Kraft instead of Gordo. Seventeen Magazine and Men’s Health don’t agree on everything, but they do agree that if you maintain the physical quality of looking good, you’re definitely at least somewhat more likely to catch the eye of someone special!
2. Put out good energy
When I watched Field of Dreams, one message really stood out to me: “If you build it, they will come.” While this quote applies to literally everything, here the “it” is a positive outlook on life and a good sense of self worth, and the “they” is bae. No one wants to spoon someone with a defeatist attitude!
3. Use savage pop culture references (for example, Field of Dreams)
If you want a lover, you’re going to need another thing: the ability to hold a conversation. Don’t underestimate this, ladies! IT IS TRULY SHOCKING TO REALIZE HOW MANY PEOPLE LACK THIS QUALITY COMPLETELY. Therefore, we suggest brushing up on some sick pop culture references to whip out when the chatter is dying down. “Hey! Have you heard that hot indie song, ‘Royals’ by Lorde?” They can’t not respond!
4. Hang out in Avery
You know how you go to Mel’s and you’re just sort of like “LOL no one here is my type” and then you go to Avery, and everyone there is wearing a good sweater, cuffed jeans and horn rimmed glasses while they scan pictures of Frank Lloyd Wright buildings you are like “LOL do you go here?!” The answer is yes, they do go here, and they all live in this fortress underneath Brownies Cafe that you can only enter once you’ve learned the parseltongue for “Robert Moses”.
5. Swipe right (more)
Just because all their pictures are mirror selfies or they are pictured with kids and have a bio that reads “yes this is my child” doesn’t mean they won’t provide some much needed warmth when winter comes!
6. Touch their arm in that way!
Experts unanimously agree: touching someone’s arm in that way is the most obvious way to say “I’m down”. It cannot possibly be interpreted as meaning anything else. Next time you’re in a conversation with someone who you might be interested in, try lightly grazing their forearm and watch the sparks fly!
7. Stop wearing deodorant
None of any of this advice matters if you aren’t using your strongest tool to your utmost advantage: pheromones. Remember when you first started going through puberty and this weird sage-meets-onion smell was emanating from your newly hairy pits? That was actually a beckoning call to potential mates that you were now virile, a call you have since SUFFOCATED with your deodorant. Throw away the stick and let your pheromones run wild! Alternatively, you can just wear a lot of that perfume they sell at Abercrombie.
8. Use more emojis
The signification of the winky face is well documented, but with the new fangled device we call the “iPhone” the number of suggestive images you can transmit to a potential mate are endless! You can even tell a whole story, like this: girl;heart;boy;heart;eggplant. If your potential boo is all like “LOL what”, you can always fall back on the fun safety nets of “ROFL” or “LMAO”.
With these indisputably helpful (don’t @ me) eight tips, we sign off and say “you’re welcome”. Get ready to PDA your way through Seasonal Affective Disorder!
*this is a personal piece and not a reflection of her campus nationals*