Let’s say you’re single. Very single. And of the three eligible guys you know, one is a foot shorter than you, one doesn’t tip waiters, and one is nice enough but is really, really into birds. What I’m saying is: it can be hard to find a cute, nice, non-bird fetishist. So when you do, there are certain concessions you have to make. Things you have to just let go. Which leads me to this week’s discussion topic: How important is sex, really?
I have to say: very important. And that’s not just because I’m the sex-obsessed “Between the Sheets” blogger. I have mature reasons, and they are the following:
So you meet this guy, and he’s amazing. He’s generous and funny and sweet and really likes you. The sex is not great. It’s not necessarily so bad that getting naked at any point is now a triggering experience due to the horror that is your sex life, but it still leaves a lot to be desired. What’s the move? After, of course, you’ve done everything humanly possible to improve upon the sex and that turns out to be an utter failure.
My opinion (which is clearly not that of a professional so please take everything I say with a grain of salt) is that bad sex breeds resentment. No matter how sweet he is, how many nice dinners he takes you out on, and how spot-on his fashion sense is (in college, I would actually tread carefully if he’s too well-groomed), every time he finishes and you don’t, you will start to hate him just a little bit more. Until even the things that you loved about him to begin with start to annoy you.
Obviously, there are exceptions, but I wholeheartedly believe that if the sex isn’t cutting it, you won’t make it more than a couple months. Because after that exciting “I’m dating someone new” feeling wears off, and you aren’t feeling sexually attracted to him, all you have is a nice, platonic friendship. Which is great! But not exactly what you’re looking for in a partner, unless you don’t like sex, which is incomprehensible to me, but hey, you do you. And if you really think you can have a fulfilling relationship without having good sex, that’s completely valid.
All I’m saying is, for most of us, the importance of sex in feeling connected to someone is pretty undeniable. Of course, people have sex for a large number of reasons, but solely in the context of a committed relationship, it’s going to (hopefully) mean more than a one-night stand. So respect your sexuality and the person with whom you’re in a relationship enough to recognize that it’s a big deal.
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