So you’re at Mel’s. Looking fine. Making casual small-talk in the unisex bathroom line: “Oh my god how long does it take the people to pee?!” “I know right! Hey, you look familiar, are you in my psych class?….” Sparks are seriously flying. Next thing you know, he’s asking you if you want to get out of there.
Do you? I mean, obviously you do. His lips just look so soft, his southern accent is just so adorable, but there’s just one little problem: You made a promise to yourself that you were not going to have sex tonight. Under any circumstances. You purposefully left your legs prickly to avoid the possibility of this situation. SO, what do you do? You want to go home with him and fool around or whatever, but are you “allowed” to go home with a guy and not sleep with him? Does that make you a tease? I honestly don’t know, ladies. It’s an awkward situation. OBVIOUSLY you don’t owe him anything, and no one has the right to pressure you into doing things you don’t want to do. All I’m wondering is: is it socially assumed that you only go home with a guy if you’re ready to go all the way?
So, for sake of exploration, let’s say you go home with the cutie from Mel’s. You get back to his place, you compliment his Drake poster, you guys look at each other pretend-bashfully for about two seconds, and then you’re sucking on each others’ faces. So, uh, when are you supposed to tell him he’s not getting laid tonight? He starts to take your shirt off. Now? Eh, no need to ruin the moment, right? ‘Kay now you’re horizontal on the bed. Now? Too distracted. His hands start to wander south.
Now your life is about to get super uncomfortable. “Oh, uh, wait a sec. Would it be okay if we just, like, um… didn’t?” Somehow you’ve ended up in a position of apologizing, which is so not fair, yet keeps happening. (Do I make bad life choices?) And of course he isn’t an asshole/ doesn’t want to go to prison, so he’s cool about it. His hands quickly take up residence in his lap and he goes “Yeah, I mean, obviously I’m not gonna make you do anything you don’t want to.” Uh, am I supposed to say thank you to that? He continues: “I’m actually getting really tired anyway… you can stay if you want, it’s just such a bummer my bed is so small/ I have violent night terrors/ the fire alarm goes off every hour.” Take your pick, he probably wants you out (Even if he’s not as obvious as my version of him is).
And now for your fun Walk of Almost-Shame. At least you get to take your makeup off before you go to bed. And won’t run into the entire crew team on their way to practice like you would during a more traditional 6am Walk of Shame.
BUT, one last uncomfy tidbit to leave you with: Two weeks later, you’re walking down broadway, alone, carrying some groceries. Then you trip. Or drop your phone and it viciously divorces your phone case. When you look up, you will, without a doubt, see Mel’s Cutie from That Weekend We Made All That Sangria With Boxed Wine (As you and your friends now refer to him). He will look at you, you will look at anything else, and that exact encounter will happen every time you’re walking home from the gym super sweaty, have a huge zit, or it’s just an already icky day.
SO. I know I didn’t answer the question of whether it makes you a tease to go home with a guy and not sleep with him, but I do think I appropriately illustrated how potentially unfun that situation may end up being in the long run. #college #mels #whyaretheresinksinweinrooms #whydoesthecrewteamwakeupsoearly
DISCLAIMER: This article is not me pressuring you to have sex with every dude that asks you to go home with him, NOR is it me pressuring you to never go home with anyone that you don’t plan to sleep with. (In fact, please do, because them maybe you and I could exchange tips on how to make it less awkward).
Send me topics you’d like to see in next week’s post! csw2127@barnard.edu