At this point in our lives, in our late teens and early to mid twenties, most of us will have gone through dozens of friendship eras, some good, some not so good. College is typically a cornerstone in the loss and gain of friendships as it is the first time many of us leave home. However, some will have already had a move before college where they lost the one thing that often is the only glue holding young friendships together: proximity.
After sustaining my best friendship of 12 years despite spending almost all of high school and now college separated, albeit with fleeting visits once or twice a year, I have gathered some tips and tricks on how to sustain long distance friendships.
This goes without saying, but the cliché “communication is key” in any sort of relationship is, for obvious reasons, deeply necessary in long distance friendships. The important part of communicating electronically is to not let the mode of communication stop you from reaching out. If you have big news or small news, whether you can only call at a point in time or text, it does not matter. Simply keeping in contact and having small, trivial conversations in addition to sharing the big stuff in life is what helps keep us connected despite physical distance.
In addition to communication, occasionally expressing mutual gratitude for each other’s presence in your life can remind us that there is still value in a friendship even if the usual aspects of shopping, studying, and eating together are not at play. Though friends that offer deep emotional solace and understanding to us are typically the ones we are most easily able to keep close in distance, a simple reminder like “hey, even though we can’t hang out I still appreciate your existence and take comfort in knowing you are also experiencing this life, even though it may not be with me,” holds weight.
On a lighter note, sharing interests in regards to shows, movies, music, podcasts and so on is a great and easy way to maintain a sense of togetherness. My best friend and I collaborated on Spotify playlists to share music depending on how we felt at a given time and also tried Netflix watch parties to simulate the movie nights we held so dear in our friendship when living in the same city. Watching show episodes at the same pace and catching up afterward to discuss the latest televised drama is also an impactful way of maintaining common ground if you and your friend are living vastly different lives apart.
Last but not least, the definition of friendship in our minds must be left up for interpretation. Keeping an open mind in what you understand and perceive as friendship is crucial in understanding how long distance can actually make us better friends and people. The concept of friendship in our young minds will naturally evolve with time, age, and experience, but if one thing is for certain, a quality friendship can withstand distance and even grow stronger through it.