When October comes, two things are for certain.
- The leaves will begin to fall.
- College girls everywhere will manically spend hundreds of dollars on Amazon trying to
buy the most perfect slutty-but-not-too-slutty Halloween costume.
Every year, like clockwork, the cycle begins. Once the air has the slightest chill, I ask my
friends, “So, what are we going to be for Halloween?” And every year I swear that I will
actually like my costume, and that “I’m going to have the most incredible, jaw-dropping
costume that’s slightly funny but also sexy.” But, every year, on November 1, not only do I
regret my costume, but also I see someone else’s and say to myself, “That is the perfect costume;
I will be that next year.” Yet, every year, I somehow forget all these ideas and the vicious cycle
repeats itself.
I was initially going to write this article as a guide to the perfect college Halloween
costume until I quickly realized I have no idea what that is. The delicate balance between sexy
and trashy that we all want to achieve is nearly impossible. Upon reflection, the girls whose
costumes I envy probably don’t even have that great of costumes; they are just the types of girls
who would look incredible in a paper bag. This makes me wonder why we put so much pressure
on these costumes and on Halloween as a whole.
Once you become a teenager, Halloween stops being a competition with your friends
about how much candy you can stuff into a pillow case and instead becomes a competition with
your friends about who can pick up the most guys as a slutty ghost. Costume shopping almost
becomes like a course in October. My friends and I talk about it at least once a day, and it
requires frequent upkeep to make sure you order all of the right pieces. Not to mention that most
schools have multiple days of Halloween festivities, meaning multiple costumes.
I don’t even want to imagine the ease of choosing a Halloween costume as a cis man.
Most of them don’t even need costumes; they could be clowns, villains, and monsters all on their
own! But that’s another conversation for another time.
So all I will say is good luck to you all, may the Halloween spirits be ever in your favor,
and may you reach the perfect equilibrium of spooky and sexy this Halloween.