Chivalry in the modern era is in a decline. With epic tales of knights in shining armor and damsels in distress, chivalry is apparent in medieval history as early as 800 AD. In the 1700s, Europeans brought their families, religious beliefs, and belongings across the ocean to America, but they also maintained a code of basic societal ethics and responsibilities. Even today, the media showers us with love stories that are tragically romantic, simply because they offer the princes that many girls fantasize about but can’t seem to find. So what happened to chivalry?
The medieval definition of chivalry is an expectation for truth, loyalty, courtesy to others, honor of women, support of justice, and defense of the weak. It also calls for the avoidance of public scandal and gossip— the role of a gentleman was a demanding responsibility.
According to The Rebolutionists—promoters of the Modern Day Gentleman—bringing back chivalry is as simple as a change in attitude. “The change in attitude,” they announced, “is simply a decision to put the ladies first; their needs and their comfort comes before yours. That is all there is to it.” But it isn’t quite as simple as it seems— the most difficult part of embracing chivalry is overcoming self-centeredness. Self-centeredness is not always a negative character trait; it can be as simple as allowing the door to slam shut behind you as you check your text messages. This egocentricity—being unaware of your surroundings—makes you oblivious to the needs of others, but not necessarily unwilling to help.
The task of bringing back the Gentleman should not be left solely to the gentlemen themselves— women play an important part in the revolution. “Not only are men becoming less apt to offer service,” The Rebolutionists noted, “but the ladies are much more likely to refuse it.” With different standards of equality drastically changed since the 1700s, it’s sometimes hard to determine when help is unnecessary, or maybe even demeaning. As Esquire magazine elegantly reported: “You gotta read things.” As the times change, it calls for a change in our definition of chivalry as well. “Chivalry cannot come from a need to control the circumstance. It must rise out of a willingness to surrender … you have to let her have a piece of the assertion itself. She might accede, she might decline, she might ignore you.”
So, gentlemen, embracing chivalry can be a risk, especially when hearing mixed opinions from the media, “experts,” or women themselves. What do women really want— a bad boy to throw them on the back of their motorcycle, or a prince to carry them off into the sunset on the back of their valiant steed? We may never be able to answer that question, but there are a few basic things that all women appreciate. There are nine traditional rules of etiquette that can be taken into consideration:
- A gentleman opens the door for a lady
- A gentleman pulls out the chair for a lady when she sits down at a table
- A gentleman should follow a lady through a door
- A gentleman graciously offers their seat to a lady when there are no more seats
- A gentleman helps a lady into her coat
- A gentleman fetches the drinks at a bar
- A gentleman pays on a date if he asked the lady out
- A gentleman allows a lady to go first down a row of seats (at a movie theater, concert, etc)
- A gentleman stands when a lady enters or exits a room
However, attitudes about chivalry are constantly changing with time and location. So I asked students passing through The Street in Miller about their definitions of chivalry to get a better idea of what Colby students are looking for. If you’re still unsure, Esquire has a quiz that will tell you exactly how chivalrous you really are.
Girls’ Opinions:
- “Always opening the door for a girl, no matter what. Being polite is pretty basic— don’t burp in front of us. “
- “Look at the way a guy treats his mother— it will tell you a lot about how he treats women.”
- “He holds my hair back if I puke.”
- “In past times, the two genders weren’t as equal, so I think ideas of chivalry have changed along with that.”
- “I’m not very traditional, you don’t need to hold the door open for me… but I won’t be offended if you do.”
- “I just expect good manners; people think that’s chivalry, but really it’s just being polite.”
- “When we shotgun a beer, he always puts a hole in it for me. “
Guys’ Opinions
- “Basically being The Ultimate Gentleman.”
- “Treating girls as equals; just general respect. Holding doors and pulling out chairs can be a little outdated.”
- “Treating a woman the way you would want your sister to be treated.”
- “Chivalry is dead dude.”
- “I’ll hold open the door for her, but I’m not going to push in her chair or something, I don’t want her to feel like I’m treating her like an object.”
Sources:
Colby Students
http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/08/modern-day-gentleman/
http://www.chivalrynow.net/articles/chivalry.htm
http://www.esquire.com/features/guide-to-chivalry
http://www.ivillage.com/10-rules-chivalry-every-guy-should-know/6-a-126909?p=2