When I think of fierce looks, ravenous competition, and massive drama: one thing comes to mind. That’s right, the GOP debates! Well, that and “Top Model.” With all these clashing personalities and attention seeking hopefuls, it’s hard not to draw comparisons between these two frighteningly similar worlds. Now it’s time to answer the burning question in your mind, “Which of my favorite fierce ‘Top Model’ contestants are about to be unduly defamed by a comparison to any of the GOP’s delusional divas?” Read on, my children, and your question will be answered.
Donald Trump/Jade Cole
Conceited, shady, mud-slinging, unapologetic, inexplicably successful: these are all adjectives that sum up our first pairing. Jade is pretty universally seen as the villian of her cycle, and I think it’s pretty safe to say that most of the Republican leadership sees Trump similarly. Jade’s modeling skills were fierce much like Trump’s ability to climb polls, but much like Jade my fingers are crossed that Trump doesn’t finish first.
Carly Fiorina/Nicole Linkletter
Whenever I watch Cycle 5, I get to the last episode and my beloved Nik loses out to Nicole Linkletter and I think, “Who’s Nicole? Was she on this cycle? Is she even relevant to the zeitgeist that is ANTM?” Nicole Linkletter was just kind of there throughout the season, and somehow garnered enough love from the judges to win. I don’t get it. I feel the same about Carly Fiorina. Sure, she stood up to Trump, but who hasn’t honestly? He’s unambiguously evil. It’s hardly a risky move. Everyone seems to love her all of a sudden, but unfortunately I’m missing the appeal a bit. Need more proof? I picked Nicole Linkletter as her pairing. When the only person I can think of to compare you to is someone who ‘didn’t eat a granola bar’, you need to step it up a bit.
Ben Carson/Hadassah Richardson
“America’s Next Top Model” and The Presidency are about one thing each. Neither of which is being a doctor or being a pageant girl. Don’t get me wrong: I think both Hadassah and Ben Carson are both relatively charming, and much like Hadassah, Carson seems to be improving, but we need to be honest with ourselves. These two rest on their unrelated non-laurels far too much. I’m sure you’re a great doctor, but that doesn’t mean you’re fierce, Mr. Carson.
Rand Paul/Kim Stolz
Kim was always a divisive figure. Some people thought she was amazing while others thought she couldn’t model her way out of a paper bag, but those who loved her, loved her. Kim’s dubious capabilities are much like Rand Paul’s strict libertarian views that are not fully embraced by mainstream conservatives. Ultimately, love them or hate them: we all know/knew that neither of them actually are/were going to win, but it’s certainly fun and interesting to watch.
JEB/Alasia Ballard
This comparison is less about Alasia overall as a contestant, but more about Alasia in this one episode. Look at that gif of her. That is the face of a woman who thought she was definitely doomed, but found out that she still somehow had a fighting chance. Can you imagine what it must be like to be another Bush running for office? After the massive let-down that was his brother, JEB surely must have thought his presidential ambitions were as dead as Alasia thought she was. I mean, look at those pictures again, they’re basically making the same face.
Mike Huckabee/Isis King
Isis is awesome! She is fierce and was the first trans contestant on “America’s Next Top Model,” and she is still a trailblazer for trans women everywhere. She escaped homelessness and is now one of the most recognizable models on the scene right now. Honestly, she’s nothing like Mike Huckabee. I just paired the two because I know how misinformed and intolerant Mike is about the LGBT community, and how funny it is for me to imagine his bigoted face scrunching up after being compared to a transgendered woman.
Opinions reflect those of the author.