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A CNU Tinder User’s Experience

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at CNU chapter.

Like my fellow Captain Emily I used to be a part of the dating app community of Tinder. But I wasn’t as lucky as she was on the app. Unlike Emily who matched with the man of her dreams and is now enjoying a great relationship, I, almost a year after downloading the app, am still very much single. You see, my experience with Tinder was very unfortunate and quite sad which eventually led me to delete the app a few months ago. But I still enjoy telling the stories of my weird and awkward experiences with my matches.

In June, after graduating High School in Florida last year, being single for basically all of my four years in school, I decided I’d try Tinder after hearing about it so much (plus I was super bored and had nothing to do after graduating). I didn’t really know what I was doing and how it worked so I was going in blind. I wasn’t looking for a real relationship because I was moving in the fall, 14 hours away to attend CNU. But I did want some type of excitement in my life and just someone to talk to that wasn’t my family or friends I already had. All throughout summer I swiped left and right waiting to get a message from a match. And then it happened: N.

N messaged me and said, “This is really random but I’m entering a competition and I was wondering if you have a Snapchat. I would like you to rate my abs.”

I read this message and laughed out loud. Then I replied with a “sure” and we added each other on Snapchat. He sent me a picture of his abs and I rated him a whopping ten. His tan skin glowed and looked so smooth and he had dark brown hair with green, hazel eyes. Snapchat did so much more justice for him than his Tinder pictures. I found out he was only in town visiting family and was leaving soon so we never met. But from the first message we talked every day, all day, for about two weeks. Our conversations weren’t like any other conversations I’ve ever had with other people. We had really in depth and analytical conversations about life. We talked about how every choice we make affects every aspect of our lives – how it’s like a chain reaction. We even talked about friendzones and the future of our lives. I was always so amazed at the way he perceived the world and how smart he was. It was interesting to talk to a guy that wasn’t afraid to be in touch with his feelings and talk about love. Everything was going great and I found myself always waiting for my phone to light up green with a message from N and I realized I might have unintentionally been catching feelings for him. But then in the middle of one of our conversations a heart-wrenching moment occurred…

“Hey, so I have to tell you something. I’m deleting my Snapchat. I really love talking to you and you’re such a great person and I promise it’s not you, it’s me. I feel like I’m spending too much time on here and I just think it’s best for me. Do you have anything to say to me before I go?”

I had no clue what was happening because it caught me off guard. I didn’t know what to say but I just felt so upset. I didn’t want to seem too attached and I just said “It’s fine but I don’t understand. Why?” and he simply said, “I’m so sorry” and that was the end of it. This happened nine months ago but I still always wondered what actually happened and why it happened so abruptly. I also wonder why we never exchanged numbers but it’s in the past now. But I do appreciate the awesome conversations I was able to have with him.

After N I talked to some guys here and there but once again I clicked very well with another guy. P was Jewish and had black hair and the cutest big, brown eyes. He lived near me and worked with a friend of mine from school. He was super sweet and we talked on a daily basis getting to know each other. He would randomly message me throughout the day asking “how I was” and “I hope you have a great day”. At this point in the summer I was packing up my things to move soon. P would always joke about coming over and helping me pack my things but I just didn’t want to get attached to guy when I was moving so far away. We did plan to meet at SweetFrog the weekend before I left so we could get a chance to hang out and actually meet each other in person before I left. As days crept nearer for us to meet and for me to move and start college the more and more I got nervous. Just two days before P and I planned to meet, once again I received another unexpected message…

“Hey Jazmine, I just want to let you know before we hang out. I just got out of a really long and serious relationship and obviously I’m not looking for anything serious. But honestly, I just want a hookup. You’re a really sweet girl and I can tell you don’t seem like that type of girl so I wanted to let you know now. I still would love to continue to talk to you though.”

As I read this message I thought, “Are you freaking kidding me. This again!” It didn’t really hurt me but I just thought why didn’t he tell me this from the beginning. I eventually replied with, “Thanks for being honest with me.” We never met and that’s about it. I had no clue of what else to say. So that was P. He still messaged me a few times later occasionally asking how I was and how I was adjusting to college but that eventually ended.

It’s August now, I’ve made my move from Florida back to Virginia to start my first year at CNU. It was only welcome week when I matched with a new guy: RS. Being that I’ve grown up a military brat RS caught my attention because he was in the Navy and he had the cutest dimples I had ever seen. And his bio simply said, “God, family, friends.” The three main things I value in life. When RS and I matched I was shocked because I almost felt like he was out of my league. Not going to lie, my heart may have skipped a beat when we matched. But I thought we were never going to talk. Simply because I never messaged anyone first (super shy girl here) and like I said, I thought he was out of my league. I thought maybe he swiped right by mistake but I was wrong. He messaged me almost instantly saying…

“Hi. Just wanted to let you know you’re very beautiful. (Insert heart eye emoji)”

I basically freaked out after reading this. I’m probably the worst flirter in history so I just stuck with a simple, “Thank you! You’re very handsome.” And from there started three months of what I call, “a thing.”

RS and I talked everyday getting to know each other. I felt so comfortable talking to him. We talked about everything from our favorite foods to our family. After about two months of just texting and snapping each other we decided we’d hang out. He picked the day and time and I picked the place: a Monday, at 2:00 p.m. here on campus. I was really anxious the whole week before but I was so excited to finally see him and just hug him.

Monday finally came and for some reason I woke up thinking he wasn’t going to show. But I still decided to get ready. I got ready and 1:30 p.m. came around and we hadn’t talked. I sat on my bed just sitting and waiting. 2:30 p.m. came around and I decided to shoot him a text saying, “Hey, just wondering are you still coming today.” Well the whole day passed without a word or text back from him. I was upset but at the same time I felt like this was going to happen so it was whatever. I woke up the next day with a text from him, basically saying, “I’m so sorry. Things came up. I had to help [blah, blah, blah]. I promise I will make it up to you.” We had a little conflict through text because he didn’t understand why I was so upset, he felt that he did nothing wrong. So I decided to not text him for a week. Later on, he texted me acting like nothing happened, by going on with the conversation asking how my day was. So once that happened everything kind of faded. We talked on and off for about a month afterwards but that was as far as things went. I ended up finding out later that he basically wanted what every other guy wanted – a hookup. Not even going to lie, I did become emotionally attached to him so it took some time to get over him.

After all of this happened I decided I was done with Tinder, realizing that I was on an app for all the wrong reasons. So I went on without the app for about two months, and then boredom struck again in January. And yes, you already know, I downloaded the app again. This time I was really just looking to have random conversations. The night I made my profile again I matched with a few guys and once again one of them stuck with me: DP. I swiped right on DP because he had such a friendly face and he attended a nearby University about 40 minutes away. I wasn’t really even attracted to him. He messaged me instantly saying, “Hi.” And we talked for 3 hours before I finally went to sleep. From then, he texted me EVERY SINGLE DAY starting off with a, “Good morning. Hope you have a great day. ☺” We found ourselves having extremely too much in common and agreeing with each other about everything. We started to have hour long phone calls and after two weeks of talking he came to visit me.

Once again, leading up to the day he came to see me I was so nervous. I got ready while talking on the phone with my closest friend here at CNU and she had to basically tell me to breathe. Then he called me and said he was on campus and completely lost. He ended up being on the other side of campus from where I lived so we talked on the phone with one another as I went to find him. It was really one of those dramatic movie scene moments when they’re on the phone like, “Where are you? What do you see? Okay I see that too. Oh, I think I see you now.” When we finally saw each other we hung up our phones and walked towards each other. He hugged me. He was 5 inches taller than me and smelled sooo good and he was actually even cuter in person. We walked back to my dorm building and sat in one of the study rooms. It wasn’t as awkward as I thought it would be. We talked and even had our first conflict after talking about our favorite NFL teams (mine being New York Giants, and his the New England Patriots) and we argued about how the other’s favorite team sucked.  He was so laid back and less awkward than what he made himself seem like before we met. We ended up spending literally the whole entire day together and in the end I didn’t want him to leave.

The next weekend, which was Valentine’s weekend, he came back and we went to the movies together. FYI “Dirty Grandpa” is a hilarious movie. We hung out a little afterwards and talked. Every time he would talk he would say things like, “If you ever meet my mom,” “if you ever meet my friends,” ”If we ever do this,” or “Oh I’ll keep that in mind that you like this.” So it seemed as if he really thought we could have something and I started to think the same thing. I even deleted my Tinder because I believed for once that I truly didn’t have to talk to anyone else. A week had passed after we went to the movies together and everything seemed great, until he completely just stopped texting and snapping me. I didn’t understand once again what was happening but this time I just waited it out. About four days after not speaking I snapped him asking if he was okay, what happened to him, and why he wasn’t speaking. He watched the snap, and never replied. At this point I felt like it had happened so many times that I simply blocked him on SnapChat, deleted his number, and tried to forget about him. This was hard being that I had just spent the past 5 or so weeks completely into him and hoping for something more but I eventually just dealt with it and am over it now.

Over a month since talking to DP and being off of Tinder I have to admit I’ve been really happy. I think for the longest time I felt like I needed a significant other to be with or have someone that would be there for me but in reality I don’t. I have some of the best friends here at school and I’ve realized I don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy. I’m 18 years old, a freshman in college, and I just need to live life. Honestly I’ve realized that, low key, the single life is really the best life right now. I also realized that Tinder, for me personally, was the wrong place to really look for a relationship. It’s a hookup app, and that’s the last thing I want and/or need in my life. Although some people like Emily have found their perfect match on the app, I’m definitely sticking with the old fashioned way of meeting people in person and just patiently waiting for the right guy to come around. So for now, I’m just focusing on myself and getting lit with my best friends.

Lee Martin is a 20-year-old junior at Christopher Newport University majoring in Communication Studies with minors in Leadership and Women's & Gender Studies. She co-founded CNU's chapter of Her Campus and currently serves as Co-Campus Correspondent/Editor-in Chief, as well as a Chapter Advisor to five other campuses. As a journalist, she has written for The Oyster Pointer, The Winchester Star, and worked with National Student Leadership Conference's Journalism, Film & Media Arts program. When not writing, you can find her binging on chocolate and coffee while laughing at Parks and Rec or The Office. If you must read her silly musings, follow her on Twitter at @loveleeforlife