A girl wears a short skirt and she gets called a slut. A woman stands up for herself and she gets called a bitch. A female gets raped and the judge says she was “asking for it.” Yet if a girl dresses modestly or abstains from sex, she gets called a prude. The biggest problem here is not the double standard presented to females. The biggest problem is that all of these qualifications make the worth of a woman revolve around what she’s doing in the bedroom. And personally, I think we girls have a lot more to offer the world than our spread legs (or lack thereof).
Girls feel pressure regarding their sexuality just about everywhere they turn – society has something to say about it, the church has something to say about it, media has something to say about it, even people in the government are trying to get their ideas of what women should and shouldn’t be able to do with their bodies made into law.
Society wants girls to look young, innocent, and beautiful, yet portrays these same images (images that are in fact pretty child like) as sex symbols (that alone should be of major concern, but we’re going to move on). The Catholic church condemns any woman who has sex before she is married, and expects the woman to submit to her husband once she gets married – placing all ownership and value of the woman not on herself but on a man. A man can sing a song glorifying rape and make it to the top of the iTunes charts, but the media slams a girl for appearing in less-than-modest attire in a music video. The government wants to control whom women can love, how easily they can avoid pregnancy, and what they can do with the baby once they become pregnant.
And of course there is the issue of the ever-present double standard. A man has sex with a lot of women and he is called a stud. A woman has sex with a lot of men and she is called a slut. A man takes control of a situation and he is called a boss. A woman takes control and she is called a bitch. The list goes on and on and we are all painfully familiar with it.
The demands that these sources place on females and the glaringly present double standard between the genders make it clear that society is afraid of women who are in control. The majority of each source believes that men should have the final say on what women can do. And each source’s opinion revolves around women’s sexuality.
My question is: why does it matter how many people a woman sleeps with? What about her intelligence? What about her compassion for others? What about her kindness? What about her sense of humor? Why are men judged by so many factors that don’t have anything to do with their sexuality, yet that is all that women are judged by? Why are all of our other really great qualities overlooked if we take ownership of our bodies and do what we want with the people we want to do it with?
I think part of the problem is that women allow this kind of judgment to perpetuate. We allow it by listening to songs that encourage the objectification of women. We allow it when we make decisions on our sexual behavior based on what men think. And we encourage it by engaging in the same kind of judgment previously mentioned.
Here’s how we can conquer the problem: Take ownership of your sexuality. If you want to have lots of sex, have lots of sex (but don’t forget to use protection!). If you want to dress in short skirts and low cut shirts because they make you feel confident, dress in short skirts and low cut shirts and rock those clothes. On the flip side, if you don’t want anything to do with sex, don’t do it. If you prefer sweatpants and hoodies to dresses and heels, you go for it. Do and wear what makes you happy. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about your decisions, and, conversely, don’t make anyone else feel bad about their decisions.
Women’s sexuality will stop being an issue when women take control of it. Give the world other things to talk about besides how many people you sleep with. Prove to the world that we are so much more than walking, talking vaginas. We are women and we can do amazing things. We can change the world. We can cure diseases, invent new technology, fix cars, climb mountains, accomplish our dreams. Do so many impressive things that who you are doing is the most boring part of your life.
However, if we want the world to act that way, we have to start behaving the same. The next time you see a girl dressed a little provocatively, do not deride her for her attire. Applaud her for having the confidence to wear what she wants, and then move on to more important things like getting to know her! You’d be surprised how many nice people wear short skirts and heels.
Pay attention to the people running for office and vote against the people who want to tell women what to do with their bodies.
Don’t sing along to songs that tell men to do what they want with our bodies or think the lines are blurred between consent and rape (hint: they are not).
And most importantly, give the world more to talk about than our sexual activity. When it starts becoming the least interesting thing we do, people will stop talking about it.
More importantly, when we prove that our bodies belong to us and that we should be able to decide what to do with them, then everyone else will have no choice but to agree.