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A Collection of Savage Reviews on 0% Rotten Tomatoes Movies

Sometimes movies are so bad they’re good. And other times, movies are just plain bad. In these cases, movie critics, furious from spending hours of their time watching a flaming trash pile, shed any pretense of politeness and rip the movie to shreds. For your amusement, here are twelve absolutely savage reviews on movies that received 0% on Rotten Tomatoes.

Stratton

“A stale espionage thriller that possesses all the pulse-pounding intrigue of waiting in line at the DMV.” – Michael Rechtshaffen

 

Precious Cargo

“You will be hard-pressed to remember anything about it even only a few minutes after watching it, which should come as a relief to everyone involved with its production.” – Peter Sobcyznski

 

Cabin Fever

“Who benefits from the existence of this film?” –Glen Kenny

 

Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas

“Cameron’s preferred tool of engagement is a prybar, applied to your eyelids with an indelicate hand.” – John Serba

 

The Anomaly

“Admittedly, in director/star Noel Clarke’s low-budget sci-fi actioner, the acting and script do provoke surprise: both are so bad, you find yourself wondering if what’s unfolding is some kind of parody.” – Charlotte O’Sullivant

 

United Passions

“One of those rare films so unfathomably ghastly you could write a better one while sitting through its interminable 110 minutes.” – Tim Appelo

 

Pudsey the Dog: The Movie

“If you paid to see this, you would feel duty-bound to demand your money back; I saw it for free and still wanted a refund.” – Mark Kermode

 

Reclaim

“There are no twists or even surprises, except the final realization that director Alan White is taking his culturally clueless, ineptly shot B-movie totally seriously.” – Elizabeth Weitzman

 

Best Night Ever

“Anyone who can sit through the whole thing and smile approvingly afterward gets my sympathy, and also probably deserves some kind of award for delivering a performance more convincing than any ever seen in one of their films.” – Todd Gilchrist

 

Stranded

“Slater is supposed to be incredulous about the existence of the alien threat, but he mostly seems incredulous about the script.” – Ignatiy Vishnevetsky

 

The Knot

“The Knot finds a bumbling groomsman fishing for silver wedding bands in a diarrhea-filled toilet bowl. Viewers searching for moments of wit or insight … might relate.” – Guy Lodge

 

A Thousand Words

“A thousand words? Try two words: stay away.” – Kristal Cooper

 

So next time you get a harsh comment on an essay, just remember: at least you didn’t make one of these movies. 

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