As the wind picks up and the sun starts to disappear earlier and earlier each day, I find my Instagram feed painted in reds and oranges, much like the leaves on the trees. It’s interesting that the autumnal color changes we awe at every year and the satisfying crunch as we walk across the dried leaves on the sidewalk are in fact a sign of death. In popular culture, death is largely viewed as a negative, as something to fear, but when it comes to this transitional season, we’re able to see the beauty in it. The season is embraced as a time of change and new beginnings, two things that can undoubtedly characterize these past few months.
The COVID-19 pandemic that began last spring still runs rampant, but the country is slowly working to find a new sense of normalcy. The days of being plagued by boredom disappeared with the start of the school year; for better or for worse, bread baking and day long naps have been replaced by exams and homework assignments. As far as social media is concerned, posts about quarantine friendly activities and DIY projects pop up less frequently as the world begins to open up once again. There is a sense of security in seeing the same yearly posts about pumpkin flavored everything being stocked in stores and restaurants, fall fashion tips that may actually have a chance at being utilized, and trips to pumpkin patches and apple orchards that are not only on theme for the season, but easy to enjoy without breaking social distancing guidelines.
I will be the first one to admit that I love fall. It is by far my favorite season. Especially after this past summer of stifling heat and uncertainty, the idea of a change was more than appealing. However, this year more than ever, I became increasingly aware of the dichotomy that exists during this festive season. As I said, there’s comfort in seeing the same type of social media posts I always do as soon as September hits.
There’s comfort in knowing that once the clock chimes on October first, I can walk into any department or grocery store and find the aisles littered in Halloween decorations. Even the food packaging matches the theme! It’s fun and it’s expected. At the same time there is a sadness for all the differences that cannot be ignored. Every time I go to campus I see the empty chairs marked with “social distancing” stickers, I think about how long it’s been since I’ve taken an exam on paper, and I mourn for the freshmen who were robbed of all the experiences I took for granted.
The more I thought about this, the more I realized that the fall season isn’t as picturesque as the terms “sweater weather” and “spooky season” like to suggest, even without the threat of corona that’s been blanketing recent events.
First of all, there’s the weather.
I can only speak to the climate experienced in Cincinnati, but there’s certainly plenty to say. If we’re lucky, we get to experience those perfect days of sunny, clear skies and temperatures that are just warm enough to survive without a jacket but cool enough not to feel like you’re melting as soon as you step out the door. This is the weather that comes to mind when I think of fall. Yet, admittedly, more often than not the season is characterized by damp, gloomy days and biting wind. The days already start to shorten then after daylight savings happens in November, making the darkness is even more apparent. There’s something exhausting about walking outside after a long day of work and classes only to find that you’ve missed your chance to see the sun. In extreme cases this idea can present itself as a mental illness known as Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD, a type of depression that is cyclical in nature and often occurs during the fall or winter months.
Second, there’s the matter of holidays.
The fall months are littered with holidays and three-day weekends, the most prominent of which are Halloween and Thanksgiving. Traditional Halloween celebrations tend to vary greatly based on age, with younger children going trick-or-treating and older teenagers and young adults going to costume parties. This year things are obviously going to look different; college students in particular have to forgo their usual party plans in exchange for more COVID-friendly activities. This idea alone is enough to feel an air of disappointment around the 31st, but even in years past, this spooky holiday was cursed with problems surrounding cultural appropriation and inappropriate or distasteful costumes in general.
Thanksgiving is another major holiday. It’s characterized by large gatherings of family and friends that come together and share food. Again, for obvious reasons the usual celebrations might be looking a little different this year. The pandemic aside, Thanksgiving is not necessarily a festive time for everyone. It can be especially painful for those from abusive homes, people who have recently lost family members or people who are not awarded the same freedoms to unapologetically be themselves around their family that they might find at school or with friends.
Finally, the start of the fall season is always joined with the start of a new school year.
Personally, I was excited for school to start. I was ready to get back to campus, have a set schedule and see all my college friends once again. I was even ready for some assignments to break up the monotony of quarantine. There is a certain excitement that comes with a new semester as we get ready for classes to begin, but this excitement is painfully temporary. It’s not long before midterm season comes around and the days blend together in a jumble of exams and papers. As temperature drops, stress levels rise until Christmas comes around.
Now I realize this all comes across very negatively, and again I will reiterate that fall is in fact my favorite season. I love wearing jeans and oversized hoodies, I look forward to Thanksgiving every year. I can’t say that academic stress is ever enjoyable but there is something to be said about the structure and sense of purpose I gain from being in school. Still I’ve always found it important to recognize that there are two sides to everything, especially with social media being such a prominent presence in our lives. As a member of Generation Z, I barely remember a time before it, and it can feel like binary is encoded in our brains with the ease of which we are able to use the internet and its infinite resource. The downside to that is it’s impossible not to compare ourselves and our experiences to what we see in carefully cropped and edited photos.
There are plenty of wonderful things to enjoy this fall season, but it’s also okay to struggle through these next few months. Your life doesn’t have to look like an aesthetic Instagram feed, in fact it’s probably better that it doesn’t.