Fear. It’s one of our generation’s favorite words, a term we throw out very loosely, and often a word we overuse to hide behind our authentic feelings. Undoubtedly, many fears are justified. Fear of flying? Sure. Fear of heights? I get it. But when it comes to teenagers and twenty-somethings fearing commitment, I cannot help but raise suspicion. We’ve all had our fair share of heartache and hurt feelings, and having someone toy with your emotions can surely lead to the construction of emotional walls and trust issues. But we all can’t keep using this mantra as an excuse to avoid taking a shot at forming intimate connections.
It’s no secret that millennials have a genuine issue with the concept of commitment. From making plans and keeping them, getting homework done in a reasonable time frame, and following through with responsibilities, we generally waiver from what is expected of us. Hundreds and thousands of thoughts and concerns race through our minds at every waking moment, and it’s hard for us to solely focus on just one thing. We rarely are able to shut off our brains and prioritize, and thus, we have become quite a forgetful generation. We are overstimulated, and over-exhausted, overwhelmed and over-caffeinated, overcome with pressure and overflowing with stress. We hardly have time to chill out and appreciate the little things, because we are way too preoccupied with the major things – or, things we consider to be of paramount importance that generally aren’t in the grand scheme of events. And thus, we are reckless. We go out a lot, we have fun. We use our Smartphones to capture every moment of our lives and compare ourselves to others solely based on over-staged photographs. Whose aesthetic is worth modeling mine after? What filter should I use? Where can we go for lunch to get the most artistic view? It’s a truth that we are all aware of, guilty of, and don’t really care to break apart from. We aren’t focusing on what matters, and we don’t like to think about the longterm results of our actions. These concepts may seem lighthearted and meaningless, a sheer consequence of modern youth, but its lead to a very unhealthy trend with relationships that isn’t being discussed a lot, and really needs to be.
I don’t really know if I buy the whole notion that one sour relationship can make a girl question every single guy that approaches her, but maybe it’s true to some degree. Nonetheless, whatever the reason, we don’t want to get to know each other. We want friends with benefits. We want netflix and chill. We want one-night stands but no breakfast in the morning. We want go with the flow and taking it easy, but then we get annoyed when we don’t receive a text back in five minutes. We want no strings attached, no effort, no guarantee, but then we find ourselves stalking social media and seeing what they’re up to anyways. He’s with another girl, so surely you have to find out everything about her. We want simplicity and casuality, all these things that we think will spare us the jealousy, mixed-emotions, leading on, and breaking up, but we end up experiencing just that in spite of ourselves. We want to be cool, do the in thing. We want to fit in, abide by the norm. We say we prefer to be casual, because that’s what everyone says they like, so obviously it must be right course of action. But, in actuality, we’re hopeless romantics. We want the fairytale, the happy ending. We want to fight the good fight and put in the work. We want to spend time with someone we are really into, we truly do. So what’s the issue? Why are we still holding back? Is the fear of commitment bound by peer pressure, or are we really just terrified by the idea of giving our all to someone and it not working out?
We asked college students to give us their perspectives on the hookup culture, and what do and don’t like about it. Here’s what we found:
*Britney, 19, says that she does enjoy our generation’s hookup culture, “because then you get to experience more people and get to know more people without really getting to know them.” An interesting concept, one that could possibly be a protective mechanism. However, she then says that she “prefers being in a relationship just because then [she] gets to spend a lot of time with that one person, and they’ll make you happy all the time no matter what the situation, but they’ll also be your worst enemy at times.” Sarah’s toyed with both sides of the spectrum, but ultimately, she thinks that relationships are worth the risk.
*Rebecca, 20, says of the hookup culture, “I like it because it’s fun and careless, and if you do it right it’ll be the best experience. Everything is a learning experience and this opens you up to so many of them. You will discover what your likes and dislikes are in many areas, not just “types,” but sexually too because different people do different things.” However, Rebecca then shares that she dislikes the whole concept to some degree, because “sometimes people take advantage of your trust, and/or you fall for the person and that can be messy.” Another dislike she has is that “a lot of guys don’t treat girls who are trying to have a casual relationship with the right amount of respect.” A point well taken. When asked which one she prefers, hooking up or engaging in a committed relationship, Rebecca reveals that she would rather go with “the option to hook up, definitely.”
So maybe we’re afraid of getting hurt, or maybe we just don’t have the time in our lives right now to fully commit to another individual’s happiness and well-being. Or maybe our preoccupation with the hookup culture can be attributed to something else entirely that we haven’t touched on. Personally, I think that the college hookup culture is a sham, and the greatest myth at all. In my opinion, no such thing exists. It’s merely an excuse to not be vulnerable and to not get attached. It never works out. It’s a cop out to avoid taking a risk that may very well result in sincere happiness. It’s a barrier that holds us back from so many opportunities and joyous experiences. It’s the millennial way… But it doesn’t have
*Names have been changed.