Dear College Board,
You probably don’t know who I am but we’ve had a pretty intimate relationship. I would be lying if I said that it wasn’t all bad because it was all bad, and to prove it, I’ve used some signs from an article that explains abusive relationships to see if I can accurately portray the ridiculousness that is this joke of an institution.
1. Making everything your fault.
“If you don’t get the score that you wanted on the test, then you should have studied harder, more” is the mantra I, along with the rest of my peers, had my entire junior and senior year. But from test prep books to not studying, who knows which way is the best? What if you study your hardest, take the test the recommended three times and you’re still unhappy with the results? Guess that’s on you.
2. Use of sarcasm and unpleasant tone of voice.
I always felt that the instructions that the room supervisors read out loud before every College Board administered test to be so sarcastic. Hearing the condescending, “Congratulations! This test you are about to take will test how prepared you are for college.” at 8:00am on a Saturday.
3. Saying things like “If you don’t _____, I will_____.”
This includes, “If you don’t fill out the test booklet correctly, your score will be delayed by up to 6-8 weeks” and “If you discuss this test with anyone ever, your scores will be canceled”. I mean they must know everyone just goes and talks about the tests as soon as it’s over.
4. Domination and control.
Anyone that says there is a choice in entering a relationship with the College Board is out of their minds. You can’t not take an Advanced Placement test, a SAT, a SAT II, or SAT subject test. And by that stance, you can’t not waste hours and hours of your life studying for a test that can only be proved to determine your financial wealth. (I am being for real here).
5. Constant calling or texting when you are not with him/her
The test payment confirmations/ date reminders are not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about when Juniors in high school transition to Seniors. Suddenly, they’re receiving emails from random colleges in the midwest that they’ve never even heard of because the College Board gave out their emails.
6. Extramarital affairs/cheating
The College Board labels itself as a “not-for-profit”. This simply means that the company does not have to pay taxes on the profit that they make because their work is benefiting the community. And they probably should be taxed on their profit, according to a Huffington Post article, in 2010 the College Board made $65.6 million and the year before that $55.5 million (article). In the words of Bob Sweeney, “The College Board is capitalizing on the perceived and exaggerated importance of the SATs,” (article) or, cheating people into thinking the test will help those who are at a disadvantage to get into college.
7. Isolating you from friends and family.
With the pressure and stress of studying, I remember days becoming a never ending blur. Wake up, school, sports, homework, study, sleep, and repeat. The precious and already limited free time that I had completely vanished. When I wasn’t doing homework, I was too exhausted to spend time with anyone.
8. Using money to control
The amount of money I’ve given directly to the College Board makes me want to vomit. This is done by paying to take the AP (Advanced Placement) test, SAT, SAT II’s, SAT subject test, and finally sending those scores to prospective colleges. Note: this does not include the money used on studying tools, whether it’s a test prep class, notecards with specific SAT words, or a practice book that you could potentially use for your arm work out at the gym.
9. Using money to control
Have I mentioned money yet? This is repeated because it’s so incredibly insane how we’ve allowed for an institution to be this invasive. College Board has the CSS Profile, or College Scholarship Service Profile. This form asks for retirement accounts, life insurance plans, and home equity on a family’s primary residence, just to name a few. So why does this matter? In addition to all the other College Board influenced things, you can add financial aid to the list.
10. Using money to control
And what might someone do with said $65.6 million profit? (look back at #6). Invest of course! The Huffington Post says, “In Massachusetts, the College Board paid a lobbying firm $24,000 last year to support “general outreach on education issues, specifically Advanced Placement, PSAT and college-readiness matters,”. Also, “a College Board lobbyist pushed for a bill to allocate $500,000 for ACT/SAT test preparation” and, “tried to make AP classes mandatory in every California high school” (article). If this sounds crazy to you, good, because it is. What’s even crazier is that they have been successful in their attempts and currently have 8 states paying the college board for PSAT services.
So what I’m trying to say is that you [the College Board] suck and it’s time for a change. I honestly don’t know how a change is going to happen, but it needs to. As soon as possible. Like yesterday.
Not wishing you the best,
A Still Distressed College Freshman
P.S- I came up with the idea for this letter while taking the AP Computer Science test, just so you know how seriously I was taking your test.
Letter Written by Christina Cherekdjian