Every time I scroll down my Facebook newsfeed, it seems as if another quarter of the population has realized the person they have been dating is the one they want to spend the rest of their lives with. Or better yet, it seems as if people my age are popping babies out left and right! Yes, love is wonderful and dandy, but the thought of being in either one of those positions at this phase of my life sounds worse than…well, pretty much anything right now.
Now, I’m not saying that no one should get married at our age, not at all. For those who have, I am happy that they feel so confident that they have found the person they might wake up next to every morning and that they are happy, but when I think of myself in that position…AH! People will say it’s because I haven’t found the one (totally true) or because I am jealous of other people finding the one (totally UNtrue), but really it’s just that I see this phase of life as a time for exploration, a time for figuring out exactly who I am before I can figure out the person I want to share my life with, and most importantly, I see this as a time for me to take all of the opportunities that come my way. What’s the rush, you know? So, here are 5 reasons why the thought of marriage at this age absolutely terrifies me:
1. How Do I Know At Age 21 That This Is The One?
We are so young! At 21, how the heck am I supposed to know who I want to spend the next 60 years with? It’s like when you’re in pre-school and the adults all ask what you want to be when you grow up. I always surely answered that I wanted to be a baker. Am I going to be a baker? Not even close. I can barely do more than preheat an oven, let’s be honest. So, if I don’t even know what I want to do with my own life yet, how am I supposed to know what I want for my life with someone else? Some people know, but I most certainly do not.
2. The “Til death do us part” Aspect Really Freaks Me Out
Pause the ceremony. So you’re saying this is the person I will have to live with for the rest of my life…until I die…how crazy is that! I mean, it’s not that crazy really. People do it all the time, but at this age, I am super particular about my living space, so how am I supposed to move in with someone (for the rest of my life, don’t forget) whom I barely know if we are being completely honest. Maybe he’s a slob, maybe he’ll be different once he gets a new job, maybe he’ll randomly decide he hates air conditioning, or maybe he’ll develop sleep apnea and be the loudest snorer alive. Seriously, it’s like a horror movie to me! Oh yeah, and you’re also telling me this is the only person I’m going to sleep with for the rest of my life, which is totally fine, but what if it just gets…well, what if it gets bad?! You never know, people, you never know. Pretty much all of the unknowns make me want to postpone marriage until I’m at least in my late 20’s and I’m over all of these irrational thoughts.
3. The Whole Giving Birth Thing
Babies are adorable, and childbirth is beautiful, right? Well, at least the first part is true. Childbirth sounds like the last thing I would ever want to do right now, to be honest. Just Google what happens during it, and I am pretty sure we will be on the same page. It’s just…wow, it’s something else. Do I want kids one day? Absolutely, 100%. But am I able to financially and emotionally support a child at age 21? Far from it. For those who are, props to you, but I am definitely not ready to have sleepless nights, potentially give up the start of my career, and walk around with baby vomit all over me for the next year. I can barely figure out how to make time for the gym, studying, eating, and sleeping right now. Even though maternity jeans seem like the most comfortable pair of pants imaginable, the pain and the responsibility that come with wearing them is just not even close to being on my radar right now. One day, yes! Right now? Terrifying.
4. Making Decisions Based On Someone Else
Like I said before, I feel like this is the time for us to be growing as individuals and taking all of the amazing opportunities that come our way. If I get offered a job in Boston, I don’t want to have to give it up because my significant other wants to stay in Atlanta or wherever. It seems selfish, I get it, but I just think it’s better for all involved to wait until you are established, settled in, and at least somewhat content with your life before searching for someone to share it with. Since we are so young, I want to reach for the stars or whatever they call it now. I want to challenge myself, and even more importantly, I want to live my life the way that’s best for me. So, if getting married so young means I would have to give up any of that, then I’d rather wait!
5. Are You Paying?
Finances, finances, finances. You can try not to pay attention to them, but they will haunt you forever. So, I would rather worry about my own finances at this age and not have to concern myself with a joint bank account and the stability of my own, as well as my husband’s, job. This may be extreme, but when we go out for dinner, do you pay now? Do I pay? Does it matter who pays since we are sharing a bank account? I don’t know! Also, if we make different amounts at this age, is it awkward? Does he feel weird about it? SO. MANY. QUESTIONS. Also, this whole bill paying thing is new to me…I mean, what bills do we really pay before we graduate other than basic credit cards? So that’s frightening in itself! Should we open retirement accounts, savings accounts for future children? Again, I have no idea, and I would like to not think about someone else’s finances when I am still trying to figure out my own!
So, for those who are married or on the path towards a lifetime of happiness, congratulations to you all! For those of us who are terrified by the thought of marriage, let alone picking out a ring we’ll have to wear every day for the rest of our lives, you’re not alone.