Managing your LDR: To Break Up or not to Break Up?

Every fall, hundreds of incoming college students ask themselves the question, “To break up, or not to break up?” Whether are living in the same dorm, or living 500 miles away from your significant other, relationships in college can turn into sticky situations. For those who are in a long distance relationship, a.k.a. “LDR,” these past few weeks have most likely been rough. If you are one of these people, pass go, collect $200, and read the rest of this article. If you haven’t experienced problems yet, your first “fight away from home” may be looming in the future (just like that paper due tomorrow that you have not started), so read on as well. But remember, no two experiences are the same. Only you know the conditions of your relationship, and if you don’t trust yourself and that special someone, the next year will prove to be much more challenging than necessary.

As mentioned, you know your relationship best. However, your friends and family are going to undoubtedly have something to say about your circumstances. The supportive ones will tell you how strong you are and that you can make it work. Others will warn you of all the fighting, cheating and lying that is sure to come. So then, whose advice do you take?! You should take it all in for two reasons: how they would treat their significant other is revealing of their true character and they may have valid advice that helps with your evaluation. Ultimately, we all know friends want to help; but remember to keep your best interests, as well as those of the person you’re dating, in mind. That being said, here are a few things to think about as you consider your options:

1.Begin the year with an open mind. For those who come into it thinking, “This will never work,” DUH!! If you don’t expect it to work, you will not put the necessary effort into the relationship. As one plus one equals two, you will definitely break up.

2. Be clear with the other person about the terms of the relationship. If one of you thinks that hooking up with other people is okay, and the other doesn’t, then there is going to be a problem. Make sure you have a talk about exactly what is okay and what’s not. Lastly, above all, don’t cheat. If you like this person enough to be dating them at school, then you should respect them enough to be faithful.

3. Try not to be clingy. No one wants to be with a Stage 5 Clinger or someone who talks about their relationship too much. With that being said, don’t do the following: post obnoxious Facebook status updates, stay in to Skype/talk to your boyfriend, not allowing your partner to have certain friends, etc. Remember, trust is key.

4. Do not allow yourself to miss out on things at school. College is a great time to meet new people and do all sorts of crazy things. You are in a great position right now and there is no reason why you should take it for granted.

Now if you are doing all of these things but still fighting, maybe you need a little more help (I know I needed it last year):

1. Evaluate what the root of the problem is. Are you just stressed and irritable? Did one of you cheat? Again, every situation is different and some things that are permissible to one person may be totally horrible to another. This is why it’s extremely important to evaluate the situations as they come.

2. Ask yourself, “How much is too much work?” If you are fighting every single day and it’s affecting the other areas of your life, put up the red flag. You have to ask if it’s worth the effort. Sometimes it is, sometimes it’s not. It’s up to you to decide. Remember that you are dating this person for a reason, so try to think about those qualities he/she has that you love. Hint: If you can’t think of any, it is time to end things.

3. Ask yourself if you are being selfish. Let’s admit it, some of us want the best of both worlds–the boy at school, the boyfriend from home–chances are that won’t leave any of the people involved very happy. If your boyfriend or girlfriend is making you feel selfish for being on a co-ed soccer team (true story), that is not okay.

4. Keep in mind that people grow up at school. If you’re currently a freshman, high school-you will go through some definite changes over the next year. You can go through these changes without changing who you are, but not without growing up. The person you are dating will grow as well; there is no one to blame for this. Do not make your partner feel bad, and do not feel bad that you may want new things. You are not a bad person if the relationship does not work. You can not stay in a relationship that does not make you happy; it’s not fair to either of you.


Overall, the next few months may be challenging with school, relationships, stress and more but it will also be an exciting year. All relationships may not have a happy ending, but that does not mean that you can’t be happy. If it doesn’t work, you will be okay. And if it does work out, then hold on to that special something. However, above all, always be wary of transferring to be near each other at school (we all have that family friend who transferred to her boyfriend’s school 2000 miles from home only to learn that he was cheating on her–ouch!). Have fun. Be happy and put yourself out there so you can figure out what you really want.