It’s very rare that Hollywood does romance right. Movies commonly portray love with a happy ending, ignoring the flaws that hit too close to home. Instead of buying into the fantasy of love, this year’s Sundance Film Festival hit Like Crazy exposes the bittersweet truth of college relationships.
In case you missed it, the movie follows the romance of Jacob (Anton Yelchin) and Anna (Felicity Jones) as their senior year at a Los Angeles college comes to an end. The two spend the rest of the year going on romantic dates and meeting each other’s parents; completely ignoring the fact that Anna is British and her student visa is set to expire shortly after graduation. One small mistake sends the couple spiraling into years of an on-again, off-again relationship testing the age old question, “Can these types of relationships actually work?” Like Crazy offers some important lessons on how to handle the hurdles of a college relationship.
Lesson 1: Love can cloud your judgement.
Let’s face it, love makes us do stupid things. During the honeymoon period, our hearts rule our heads. From the start, we know Jacob and Anna’s relationship is bound for trouble and the movie keeps us in suspense, wondering if they will stay together. It wasn’t much of a shock when Anna overstays her student visa just to be with Jacob for the summer. This mistake hangs over their relationship the rest of the movie, causing us to wonder how could they be so stupid. While I admire their commitment to each other, the first lesson I learned was: Don’t let love cloud your judgement. Mistakes made with the best intentions can potentially ruin your relationship.
Lesson 2: Establish some ground rules.
Sadly, Jacob and Anna were thrown into a long-distance relationship so quickly that they weren’t able to establish any ground rules for their time apart. In my opinion, a lot of the strain in their relationship was caused by too much texting, a continuous strand of missed calls and a lack of communication as to whether it was okay to see other people. According to Dr. Terri Orbuch, professor, author, and relationship therapist, long distance relationships work best if both partners find ways to stay in touch. Orbuch says, “Share your little triumphs and tragedies, or just something funny that happened during the day.” Whether by phone, email or Skype, it is better to explicitly state some ground rules before committing to a long-distance relationship.
Lesson 3: If you’re still madly in love with your ex, don’t move on to someone new.
Love is complicated enough with two people; add in two more, and it’s a catastrophe. Back in Los Angeles, Jacob tries to move on with his assistant, Sam (Jennifer Lawrence). Meanwhile, in London, Anna gets serious with her very cute neighbor, Simon. They both try to move on, but they just can’t stop sending late-night text messages. Although I felt bad for Jacob and Anna, I felt even worse for Sam and Simon. We often hear that the best way to get over someone is to start seeing someone new. However, it’s important to not rush into another relationship, when it is quite clear you’re not ready to be involved. Dr. Terri Orbuch says, “ Tell your partner about the people in your life. Don’t omit events or interactions simply because they might inspire a twinge of jealousy.” If you choose to not disclose your feelings to your ex you will not only end up hurting yourself, but you will end up hurting other people’s feelings as well.
Lesson 4: Please, don’t get married until you’re ready.
60 percent of all couples who marry between 20 and 25 divorce, yet I found myself asking, “Why don’t they just get married?” This lesson is too obvious. If your long-distance relationship is not working while you’re dating, chances are it won’t work while you’re married, either.
(SPOILER ALERT)
Lesson 5: Sometimes it’s not worth staying together.
When Jacob and Anna come together for the final scene in the movie, the audience is left with the memories of a love full of possibilities. We never know what happens to them; instead, we are allowed to imagine our own ending. That’s the beauty of Jacob and Anna’s relationship: it’s real. Jacob and Anna taught me that sometimes we can hold on to memories too tightly. Holding on to the past in order to fill the void of an past love, is unhealthy and can keep you from moving forward. According to Ask Men, breaking up can be less heartbreaking if you agree on an end goal with your partner–a specific time when the separation or the relationship is going to end. It’s easier to break up if your relationship is no longer fulfilling your relationship goals. Establishing a timetable is healthier than being stuck in a relationship just for the sake of the past.
Sources:
Movie Poster (photo): http://img2.timeinc.net/ew/i/2011/08/01/like_crazy_810.jpg
Jacob & Anna (photo): http://img2.timeinc.net/ew/i/2011/08/01/like_crazy_320.jpg
Anna (Photo) http://img.poptower.com/pic-73417/like-crazy-movie.jpg?d=600
Holding hands (photo) http://filmfest.scad.edu/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/Like-Crazy.jpg
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-terri-orbuch/long-distance-relationships_b_1071108.html
http://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice/26_dating_tips.html
http://www.chicagotribune.com/features/sc-fam-0513-young-married-201005