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How I’ll Know I’m an Adult: A Definitive List

There are many things that I am unsure of, but my status as an adult is very clear: I’m not one (yet). Therefore, I have compiled a list of symptoms of adulthood so that I will know for certain once it finally hits me. Here goes nothing…


1. I will be able to get places without constantly checking Google maps on my iPhone

2. I will not longer have to call my mom to ask how long I should defrost chicken in the microwave

3. My credit card won’t also be my OneCard

4. Fish will suddenly become appetizing, probably

5. So will prunes (jk, this will never happen)

6. I will be able to afford shoes from somewhere other than Payless and Rack Room

7. Netflix binges will no longer occur between 12-2am on regular basis

8. I’ll hand out candy on Halloween instead of being handed candy on Halloween (NOTE: I will still, however, get really into dressing up because that will always be awesome)

9. I will actually know how to pay bills

10. Ditto for balancing a checkbook

11. Cleaning will involve more than just a tube of Clorox wipes and a Swiffer

12. Relationships won’t scare me

13. I will properly understand comma usage

14. My contributions to conversations on literary and cinematic classics will be based on actual knowledge of these works and not on their Wikipedia summaries

15. Being asked on a date won’t give me anxiety

16. I will get an email address that won’t also be my old AIM screen name

17. I will become a regular at some place that isn’t part of a fast food franchise of any kind

18. I will start going to bed before 11pm

19. I will start waking up before 11am

20. The Bachelor will no longer be on my DVR. Neither will any Bravo show, even the reunions.

21. I will not cook or eat anything that comes with a packet of cheese sauce

22. My tolerance will plummet. Sigh.

23. I will pay for my own E-Z Pass

24. There will be some new technology that I won’t be able to use and a tech-savvy tween will laugh at my ignorance

25. My bank account won’t be empty…hopefully

So readers, what stands out to you as “so grown up”? Comment below!


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