In high school I was a serial dater. I hopped from one “relationship” to the next, and if I wasn’t dating someone, I definitely had my eye on my next target. So when I came to UNC, I experienced a bit of a culture shock. “What do you mean you aren’t looking for a relationship? Doesn’t everyone want one??!!” I went from serial dater to serial single (and admittedly thirsty) girl. After 3 years without a long-term relationship, I have learned a few things. Looking back on it, I am thankful for the emotional roller coaster of my (lackluster) love life because it taught me to be independent. Here are some words of wisdom:
1. Your value as a person has nothing to do with the opinion of a guy.
This one should be a no-brainer, but sometimes rejection does nasty things to our self-esteem. There are a thousand reasons a guy may not be into you, including the classic “it’s not the right timing” excuse. Or he could just have terrible taste in women. Either way, it isn’t your problem. Save your tears and wait for someone who is smart enough to appreciate what an amazing person you are.
2. Cultivate meaningful, supportive friendships.
You need your friends to keep you grounded, especially when your emotions get a little out of hand. They can give you honest advice (and yell at you for texting that person you aren’t supposed to). Friends are also great for boosting your self-esteem when you are going through a rough patch. My roommate leaves me little inspirational notes or reminds me how awesome I am when I start to doubt myself, and my best guy friend specializes in dispensing hugs and forehead kisses when I start to lose faith in the male species. Just make sure you do the same for them. There is nothing more rewarding than doing something sweet for someone you care about.
3. Channel your time and energy into yourself.
Stop chasing boys and start dating yourself. That statement was a little cheesy, but hear me out. It’s the classic case of “No one can love you until you love yourself.” The best part of being single is that every second of your time belongs to you. Do whatever makes you happy or contributes to your future success. Kick ass in school, apply to your dream internship, learn how to play an instrument, become a yoga master…. etc. Another great thing to do is take a Personal Day. Wake up, figure out what you want to do the most that day, and then go do it by yourself. Alone time is crucial for getting your thoughts sorted out and reflecting on your goals. I frequently spend entire days dedicated to shopping, driving around Chapel Hill while listening to music that is way too loud, reading, Netflix, and gourmet chocolate. Build your own adventure.
4. Invest in the single girl necessities.
I think you know where I am going with this. There is a wonderful little store in Chapel Hill called Cherry Pie. Check it out sometime and make a few fun purchases. They will hook you up with anything you could ever need to participate in the best kind of “Self Love.”
Another bedroom accessory that I highly recommend buying is a body pillow. Cuddle cravings can happen to the best of us, so it is nice to have something to curl up with at night.
5. Appreciate the little things before you get wifed up.
Boyfriends are bed space and cover hogs. They also tend to fart in their sleep and have gross morning breath. Do you really want that in your bed with you right now? Be selfish and bask in your glorious freedom. Sleep sprawled across the entire bed with a half-empty pizza box next to you (easy access!), and wear your creepy green clay face mask and retainers with abandon. This also gives you a free pass to go to Beyonce concerts or spend entire Sundays on the couch watching Sex and the City reruns and terrible Katherine Heigl chick flicks.