It’s not uncommon for women to hear statements that challenge the possibility of men and women being in healthy platonic relationships. Most commonly, these beliefs come from other men, who, when witnessing a relationship between a man and a woman, assume that the man could not possibly seek out mere friendship and must have other intentions. On the other hand, women often feel that engaging with men on a platonic level is difficult because they fear that the man may develop, or secretly harbor, romantic feelings. Whether or not one believes men and women can form platonic friendships, it’s clear that these relationships offer each individual a fresh perspective on another gender.
While one does not necessarily need male friendships to thrive socially, nor should they feel obligated to seek them out, the foundation for a beautiful friendship is often built on commonalities, such as shared interests or values. It’s important to acknowledge that friendships don’t require gender-specific qualifications and that platonic relationships can be both fulfilling and enriching, irrespective of gender.
Platonic relationships between men and women are often believed to thrive solely on the condition that neither party is romantically attracted to the other. Philosophers, from Aristotle to Friedrich Nietzsche, have speculated on the true nature of these relationships, questioning whether they are possible, and if so, what criteria must be met to sustain their longevity. For college women navigating these friendships, understanding how to maintain healthy, respectful relationships—especially when they may be unfamiliar—is key to self-discovery and personal growth.
Set Boundaries
The role of a platonic friendship is different from that of a romantic one. Any individual who believes that the person of the opposite gender can serve as a substitute for a romantic partner may not truly understand the expectations and limitations of such a relationship. Setting clear boundaries is essential to maintaining a platonic relationship that respects both parties’ intentions.
Maintain Mutual Respect
Male and female friendships can differ in significant ways. Women often place high value on their relationships with other women, which are often built on deeper emotional connections and mutual understanding. In contrast, male friendships may tend to be more surface-level and less confrontational. Navigating this new dynamic can be challenging, especially when each person may have different views on what friendship truly means. It’s important to recognize that different friendships serve different purposes, and the relationship with another person shouldn’t be transactional or conditional. Platonic relationships between men and women, like all friendships, should be rooted in mutual respect and a genuine connection.
Remember Your Morals
While it is not necessarily a woman’s responsibility to teach a man how to be respectful or to challenge outdated gender norms, it is important to hold your male friends accountable when they engage in harmful rhetoric or behavior. This includes not respecting women they don’t find conventionally attractive, using derogatory language about women, or viewing women solely as objects of sexual desire. If the men you are engaging with platonically exhibit these behaviors, it may be time to reconsider whether they truly respect you as both a woman and an individual, and whether the relationship is worth maintaining.
At the end of the day, it’s important to remember that Barbie-Land operates perfectly without Ken, but sometimes Ken is cool to hang around with too!