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“My Child Didn’t Get To Be Born”: Mothers Who Lost Their Babies Are Not Allowed To Mourn

The opinions expressed in this article are the writer’s own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Casper Libero chapter.

A miscarriage is the sudden loss of a pregnancy usually before the 20th week. About 10% to 20% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage. But the actual number is likely higher. Over two million women in Brazil have a miscarriage in a year.

Miscarriage is a somewhat common experience but that doesn’t make it any easier for women. It can be one of the hardest moments in a woman’s life. Having a baby is a magical moment for all moms, but unfortunately, not all of them can make it to this moment. The pain of losing a child is something a few women have to deal with through their pregnancies and it’s more usual than we think.

It’s okay to not be okay

It can be deeply upsetting to lose a baby at any stage of pregnancy. Experiencing a miscarriage can be very traumatic and many parents will feel grief. The dreams you had of holding your baby and watching him grow are gone. So much of what you wanted and planned for are lost. This can leave a large, empty space inside you, and may take a long time to heal this space.

Pregnancy loss can happen very quickly and it can take a while to make sense of what is happening. You will need to mentally adjust to life without the future you expected. Women grieve not just for the baby they lost, but also for their sense of themselves as a parent and plans and hopes for the future.

Everyone is different and there is no right or wrong way to grieve a lost pregnancy. It’s important to give yourself time to grieve.

Many people say they feel guilty when they lose a baby, these emotions are completely normal.

To understand more of it, we’re gonna tell Elaine and Katia’s story, two women who unfortunately hadn’t the opportunity to meet their babies.

Kátia de Fernando, 56, teacher

“It took me four years to get pregnant, a lot more than that actually, but I took loads of medicines to help me get pregnant during that period of time. After that, I finally got pregnant, and it was even more surprising because I was going to have triplets! All of my family got super excited and so did I, two girls and a boy. I was already 3 months pregnant when my boutique was robbed, and one of my daughters wasn’t as healthy as the others, so I unfortunately lost her after that”.

“I was really upset, but my other babies kept me going.”

Elaine Meneghin, 67, biomedic

“I lost my first baby when I was 27 years old, I was 2 months pregnant when I had a bleeding that took me to the hospital. The ultrasound showed that I had lost my baby. It was devastating, the pain of losing something you expected so much is insufferable. I remember I had an 8-month pregnant nurse by my side and she said to me “so many try to keep their babies while I want to lose mine”, that shocked me.
Four months later, I got pregnant again and lost it for the second time. The pain I felt was a lot bigger than the first loss because I’ve had and I’ve lost twice. I was taking some medicines to help me keep the baby and it still didn’t work. That got me so frustrated that I decided I was no longer trying to be a mom. Five years later, I was traveling to Porto Seguro, at that time there were no airports there, so the only way to get there was by car on a dangerous road”.

“When I got home I found out I was pregnant again, and eight months later, my daughter Lais was born!”.

Both Katia and Elaine had to mourn in silence after losing their children, as it is with a lot of other women in the world. Grieving is a process that can take a lot of time to heal, acknowledging your pain and seeking support are the best alternatives during this hard time. Some people don’t feel better as time goes on. If it’s getting harder to cope, it’s important to seek counseling.


The article below was edited by Fernanda de Andrade Silva. Liked this type of content? Check out Her Campus Cásper Líbero for more!

Sarah Pizarro

Casper Libero '27

18 years old, journalism student at Cásper Líbero.