To be a woman is to grow up listening that you will never be anything without a man. It is being taught to act submissively. It is to be inferior. It’s hearing that you’ll never be enough alone. These are examples of women’s experiences. These are examples of teachings that are often passed into the so-called home, as if they were commandments to be followed. These are examples of misogynist thoughts that do not fit the political struggle of being a woman.
Being a woman extrapolates gender issues. Being a woman is to resist and exist in a society marked by patriarchal issues. Woman is synonymous of fighting. And how to fight when all that is taught is submission? How to be independent and live alone in São Paulo surrounded by a sexist atmospheric?
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“To be prepared to feel fear sometimes, but also to face these fears. And remember that you just depend on yourself to be happy. ” This phrase was said by Luana Pellizzer, who left friends and families behind to be able to pursue the dream of being a journalist. The 17-year-old girl, who left Belo Horizonte behind, is the same woman who lives in São Paulo today. In conversation, she told us a little humorously about the difficulties of being a woman living alone in São Paulo: “Having to adjust the goings to the market in my routine, discovering that the dishes are never washed by themselves, that cleaning products are expensive and that eating fruit besides healthy, is cheap.”
Another women is Cátia Scarpa, She studies Phonoaudiology at Universidade de São Paulo, and when she discovered that she had gained a place in college, she couldn’t give up on her dream. For her, the best part of living on her own is the maturity and the autonomy that she conquered. However, her mother is still helping with the expenses of the house. One of the obstacles is the fact that São Paulo is an expensive city with a big quantity and quality of products: “If I like something, I try to find reasons to not buy it”.
Isabella Dabori came from Florianópolis to study Publicity and Advertising at Presbyterian Univertisy Mackenzie. In the beginning, living with the grandparents was the best option, until they passed away. Then, she went to live alone due to continue college. Isabella finished the course at the end of 2018 and as she loves the independence of living alone, she wants to continue in São Paulo. In her opinion, the biggest insecurity was in relation to friendships and family: “I was always very attached to them and I was very afraid of not making friends and being alone here.” Her biggest fear is about security, she doesn’t save money in this regard. At night, for example, she uses carpool applications or ask for the company of her friends.
There are several things that unite Luana, Cátia and Isabella, but the biggest of them is the realization of a dream: all of them were willing to overcome the difficulties of living alone to live all that they have always chased. They, like many other women, are proof that woman’s place is wherever she wants. Where her dreams and her personal and professional accomplishments guide her.
When we talk about independence and living on your own, the majority of cases are women. Normally, men choose to live in republics, with other people. In turn, the architect Douglas Lopes began to live alone when his parents chose to live in an inner city and his studies weren’t complete. He believes that women have more difficulties in living on their own because they are often related to security. The greater difficulty for him is having no one to talk when he arrives at home, in addition to the tasks like cooking and dishwashing, which take time. However, he seeks to “simplify tasks as much as possible, doing something simpler and have a more compliant organization.”
Let’s hear from a specialist
“In my experience, I observe that people who live alone come to college or work, there are very few who leave their parents’ homes because they want to have that experience and everything else, as very common in European countries”, told us the psychologist Isabella Lobo. She also believes that people who live alone learn to deal with their own emotions, boredom, the need and the possibility of doing nothing, which is important to learn to deal with loneliness and self-company, besides being able to differentiate one thing from the other.
In a patriarchal country that does not have the habit of teaching finance and responsibility whether at school or family environment, it is important to live alone because people start to deal more with money, tasks and personal and professional life organizations. And for the psychologist, “living alone is one way to acquire these skills, but not the only one”, she points out.
So, living alone, like everything else in life, has its pros and cons. Acquiring skills and independence are among the advantages of living alone; however, the path to getting through these stages involves the issues that constitute the disadvantages. Therefore, it is extremely necessary that the person respect their times of adaptation and learning, seeking around them people who offer support to it. Psychological counseling can help a person cope with so many concomitant changes and emotions. In addition to knowing that nothing and no one can doubt their ability to be owner: to be a woman is to resist, is to fight against the opinions of the pattern and especially, against everything that prevents you from being you and running after your dreams and professional and personal goals.