As many of you may have seen, last week, an article was published about the 8th wonder of the world –supposedly, women and their fashion sense. The author listed five trends he was confused about; however, if he had spoken to me, all of these trends could’ve been explained to him. Except for high waisted pants, I’m with you on that one.
1. Leggings really are warm (didn’t you read about The Joys of Swegggings?). I know they don’t look it, but they are. And no one is trying to claim that they’re pants. I know they’re not and I’ll openly admit it. But they’re damn comfortable, and you shouldn’t be looking at my ass anyways.
2. Bows are just fun. Maybe we think they’re cute or maybe we’re trying to reclaim the childlike innocence we’ve since lost since coming to this scary place known as college – or maybe we just think they’re cute. You know who else wore bows in her hair? Lady Gaga. Love her or hate her, she’s kind of a badass. And she has a really hot boyfriend.
3. The abundance of eye makeup that the male species apparently has a problem with is the same abundance of makeup that adorns the faces of actresses and supermodels everywhere. I don’t hear anybody complaining when Cara Delevigne does it. And seriously, be honest with yourself. When’s the last time you saw someone in real life wearing makeup like that? Maybe early Saturday/Sunday mornings walking back from Hessler, but give her a break. She probably had a rough night.
4. Finally: Uggs. Perhaps the most loved/hated clothing item that men always complain about but I will defend Uggs until the day I die. Guys think that girls don’t know how ugly they are, but…I mean, we do. They’re ugly. They look like hooves. We completely agree! But you won’t understand why we wear them until you experience it for yourselves. They’re so comfortable and warm, it’s like wearing puffy tropical clouds on your feet. So yes, they’re ugly, but who cares? Sometimes function is more important than design.
On this note, I have a few bones to pick with the male fashion sense as well. While men’s fashion is a much narrower concept than female fashion, that means the few mistakes we see are of vital importance (read: dealbreakers).
Piercings on guys are just weird. I don’t even have my ears pierced, so you really shouldn’t. And they make you look like you're trying too hard to be badass when you're not. Oh, and don’t even get me started on gauges...if I can see through your earlobe, you’re doing it wrong. Also, piercings anywhere else just scare me and I’m scared for you when you have an eyebrow ring or something. What if it catches on something and gets ripped out? Ewe.
2. HAIR PRODUCT
Similar to my gripes about earrings, my problem with hair product is that I don’t even use it. My hair routine is just wash and wear and most of the time, I don’t even brush it (no shame). But if some guy is gel-ing and mousse-ing his hair into some elaborate style, it just makes him seem shallow and vain, which are both unattractive qualities. I’m really not a fan of guys who are more into their appearance than I am.
3. SHOE OBSESSION
I’ll admit it, I do love shoes. I think it’s okay to spend a whole bunch of money on uncomfortable shoes that you’ll only wear a couple times if they just make you feel happy inside. But then again, I only limit myself to a few of these purchases a year (...a month), and I don’t obsess over which styles and designers and colors my new “kicks” are. I just think they’re cute. But some guys I know have giant sneaker collections that dwarf my collection of online impulse buys. You know these guys. These are the ones who clean these sneakers meticulously, lest they have a speck of dirt on them. News flash: they’re shoes and they’re kind of supposed to get dirty.
4. NON-SHOE OBSESSION
A totally different breed of male that is the complete opposite of the shoe obsessor are the men that don’t know there are different kinds of shoes. All they know is the sneaker and not the flashy, “kicks” type sneakers of the shoe obsessor. You know these sneakers. They’re either all black or all white, and they’re worn at all times, no matter the occasion. Class? Sneakers with jeans. Working out? Sneakers with sweats. Formal? Sneakers with a suit. These guys should really get together with the shoe obsessors and maybe together they could work out a happy medium.
5. LONG HAIR
Long hair freaks me out, especially since there’s apparently a high correlation between guys who have long hair and guys who don’t wash their hair. I really like my male friends to be freshly showered (preferably in the last 24 hours) and if your hair is greasy, you obviously haven’t done that. We’re not in middle school anymore, I think you can handle a big boy haircut.
6. GENERAL FIT
The biggest fashion mistake any guy can make really comes down to how well his clothes fit. Too big is a problem, too small is a problem. When your clothes are too baggy, it makes us wonder what you’re hiding under them. Where is your real body? Are you actually a robot and you need the extra space under your clothes for robot things? Do you have a third arm coming out of your chest? These are all questions that run through our minds when we see guys wearing clothes that are obviously two sizes too big. On the other hand, when your clothes are too tight, it just makes us roll our eyes. There’s really no need to show off your rippling pectorals and I’m actually embarrassed for you, since I think I can see your nipples through your shirt. And I’m kind of scared your shirt is just going to explode cause it can’t contain your body. I’m really not trying to get hit in the face with sweaty shreds of fabric today, thanks.