Today we will be delving into a top-secret and also completely newly invented subject matter: the world of forbidden patios. Have you ever been studying at a random table in a building on campus, looked out the window, and thought “Wow, that’s strange, why is there a twenty-foot square platform outside the window on the third floor? What is this for? What sort of architecture business is going on here? Wouldn’t this be a suitable location for brunch? A drag brunch, perhaps?” Or maybe you too, have noticed the actual legitimate outdoor patios located in some of the buildings — the doors to which are, yes, always locked. In no way am I encouraging anyone to try to access any of these locations, given the evident safety concerns. That would also defeat the whole purpose of it being forbidden in the first place. But let’s take a look at the top-rated forbidden patios on campus.
1. MINTO Complex
The Minto building surely has an interesting configuration. From the fourth-floor tables right outside the elevator, one can look out the large windows towards the residencies. Under these windows can be found a ledge which would appear to be the perfect location for a rooftop patio type of situation. The reason I noticed this spot? Getting distracted from my assignments by constantly staring out the window, of course.
2. university centre
Next, we have a spot very near and dear to my heart. If you survive the daily stair climb to the fourth floor of the University Centre, you can head right, toward where the CUSA Offices are located. Once you spot the study tables and the water fountain, you will notice a large window just on your right. Outside there is the next forbidden patio— which is most likely just the roof to one of the other three miniature buildings that make up the UC together. This location really seems like it would be more suitable for a picnicking spot since it’s a bit smaller.
3. NICOL building
Here we have an example of a building that has a legit patio or terrace thing going on from the upper floors, accompanied by actual access doors. It is simply always locked and I have never seen it being used for anything. Although I may just be missing out, of course. Who has the true key card to unlock the door? Perhaps we will never know. But I would like to find out. More on that later.
4. DUNton tower
Last but not least, we have the Dunton Tower. There is only one potential patio location: obviously, the roof. Not that I have ever been to the top of the building or seen the roof at all. However, I do feel that the university could capitalize off of the height and create some sort of high-sky fine dining experience that costs about $100 per person. This could be a good fundraiser to lower tuition, right?
Or alternatively, we could also ask all the people from the Beatles if they’d like to perform a few songs from the roof for a truly unforgettable university event. If they’re busy, the Across the Universe cast would be equally exciting guests.
Have another forbidden patio I’ve missed? Let us know @hccarleton!