Have you ever watched a romance movie and suddenly started realizing all the ways your life does not compare to it?
Very few of us are oppressed waitresses who fall in love with, and marry a prince. If you are, you’re the lucky one.
It seems like it’s so rare to get asked on a date anymore instead of being asked to ‘Netflix and chill’ or ‘hangout.’ It’s more likely you’ll meet a guy on a dating app and start hooking up for months. You’ll rarely meet a guy who wants to get coffee or take you to dinner for a first date. When did things change?
Let me run through a scenario and see if it sounds familiar.
You meet a really cute guy, and you can tell he’s interested. He aks for your number and a few days later wants to hangout with you. You go to his place and end up hooking up. All of a sudden this is the expected and recurrent pattern. Every time you see him it’s just a casual hangout and it gets to the point where it feels impossible for it to be more, even though it seemed like there was potential for a relationship when you first started seeing each other.
This is what my friends and I like to call the f*** zone, also know as the hookup zone.
The most frustrating and confusing part about this arrangement may be that you can’t tell what’s actually going on and you’re constantly questioning it. Are you seeing other people? Are you even really seeing each other? This can lead to some sticky situations, and more often than not, you’ll both have two completely different ideas of what the relationship is.
Not only that, but you don’t know how you should act around him since you’re in a limbo between dating and casually hooking up. Should you send that good morning text? Offer to bring him a coffee when he’s hard at work?
You don’t want to make the mistake of losing him because you’re acting too much like his girlfriend, and you obsess over it. You’ve fallen into a rut, and it seems like trying to get out of it could cause too much disturbance.
Now here’s the part where I give you some real help. You can get out of the hookup zone, if that’s something you want.
Start with something small. When you see him, ask if he wants to get breakfast the next morning. Since you guys are already kind of dating, but not, it’s not as big a deal as if you’d asked him to meet you for lunch or dinner. It’s a casual way to let him know you want to spend time together in public. You want to show that you don’t want to hide anymore.
Once you try this out, you can figure out if a relationship is something you want to pursue and whether you want to pursue it with that person. Keep in mind there’s absolutely nothing wrong with keeping things the way they are, as long as it’s really what you want. Don’t just pretend to be okay with a situation you wish would change.
Take charge and don’t let someone else control what you feel.