As someone with food allergies, you are left out of a lot of things – it’s just the nature of the disability we have. Most social events are centred around food. Think about it, if you go to a wedding there is food, you go to a party there is food, you go to a conference there is food. I mean it makes sense – we all have to eat so why not do it together? But, that also means if you’re that one person who’s allergic to what’s being served, you will be left out. And most of the time, this isn’t intentional – people just don’t know what to do when you say or do when you have food allergies and how to make you feel included.
Some small things my family and friends did when I was a child was if they were eating something I couldn’t have they’d describe how it tasted to me, which might sound weird but included me. If I went out to a restaurant with my family, usually the only thing I could have on the menu was bottled water, but they’d ask me, “Dahra, if you could eat here, what would you get?”
There are small things anyone can do, and then there are the big efforts people make, and I never forgot them. Here are two that I remember from my childhood and teenage years:
The first time this happened to me was when I went to a youth girl’s sports event called Fast and Female in my hometown. The event was sponsored by the Dairy Farmers of Canada. So, during the snack period, chocolate milk was brought out. My parents before the event had asked what food/drink was being served and replicated it, so I had chocolate soy milk. They also had ensured with the organizers that after snack time, everyone would wash their hands. So, like usual I sat over in the corner alone, because I didn’t want to be near any of the allergens. When a girl walked over to me and asked why I was sitting alone, I explained I couldn’t be near my allergen and she walked away. I continued to listen to the ambience of the chatter when I saw the girl and her group of friends walk out of the auditorium, a few minutes later I turned my head to see them sitting down with me. I asked them what they were doing and the girl who had come up to me earlier said that they had thrown out their chocolate milk and washed their hands so they could sit with me.
The second time was when I was fourteen, after a family reunion, my cousins, my aunts and my uncles went to a restaurant where we joined. I had water, like usual, as everyone else ate. The next day we were supposed to have breakfast at a restaurant in Toronto, with other family members. My dad had talked to my uncle who found out there was a restaurant in Toronto that I could eat at – and then like that the restaurant was changed. So we went to Hype Food Co (which sadly, no longer exists) and had their rice and salad bowls and everyone around me was eating something I could eat or was safe. This meant I could relax and not have to worry as much about what I touched or who I interacted with, I didn’t have to be as vigilant which was great – I got a very rare break.
With that little story time, here five things you can do to be accommodating to your allergy friends:
- Be willing to change restaurants or go to places that don’t leave anyone out
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If you’re all going out after an event to a restaurant, offer to go somewhere they can eat. For example, a friend of mine was with a group of his friends and they were at a restaurant that couldn’t offer a safe dining experience so they all left and went to a safe restaurant that was a farther drive just so he could be included.
- Ask them what they might get
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If you are at an outing and the venue can’t be changed, ask them what they would’ve gotten off the menu if they could’ve had something.
- Try to have non-food outings
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If you’re going to hang out with someone who has food allergies, try to do things with them that don’t involve food and try not to eat their allergens when you are with them. I get it sometimes you’re at an event and are hungry, so if that happens eat what you want but be vigilant of not touching/wiping your hangs on your clothing and wash your hands immediately afterwards.
- Wash your hands before meeting and make sure there is no food residue on your clothes
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This one might seem weird, but if you really want to make your friend feel comfortable, this is a good thing to do. For example, a friend of mine worked at a deli where she cut cheese for people. If she came over after work she would take a shower and put on new clothes before driving over.
- Clean their side of the car
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If you can and you’re driving your friend, wipe down their side of the car for them so they don’t have to worry about anything when they get in and don’t have to wipe it down themselves.
Here are three bonus things to do if you really want to impress your food allergy friends:
- Can’t accommodate?
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If you can’t do any of the above things but want to include them more. Bring something pre-packaged that is safe for them. Or if it’s a party and you have a cake or sweet you bought that’s safe, let them get themselves the first one or slice from the box.
- Memorize their food allergies
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I know other food allergy friends who are all incredibly amazing and appreciative if any of our friends take the time to memorize what our food allergens are.
- Learn how to read food labels properly
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All food allergy people know to read a food label multiple times before eating and look for the “may contain” warning. If you hand us something and you say, “I read the label, it looks to be good for you. But, if I missed something let me know.” That’ll mean a lot and it also lets us know you’d be willing to do that, and if you’ve gotten it wrong we’d be glad to teach you.
At the end of the day, everyone wants to feel included and seen. I hope some of you decide to do some of the above things to make your food allergy friends feel more included.