Dousing the Tinder Flame

You have probably at one time or another sat on your bed with your phone, your thumb hovering over the download button for Tinder.

Don’t be embarrassed. I’ve been there. Seven times to be exact.

After my final delete, not the app or logging out of the account, completely deactivating my account, I stopped to think why I keep redownloading it just to delete it again.

It started with my best friend begging me to get it with her. She wanted me to “find a man and be happy.” I heard things about Tinder, how it was a hookup app, most people want just sex or friends with benefits. I was content with my single life. I didn’t need a man, especially someone who was looking for everything I wasn’t.

But, I got the app with a spur of spontaneity one night when I was bored. I uploaded pictures of myself that I thought looked best and tried to come up with a cute bio. Then it was time for me to judge people based on their looks and crude bios. I took my time swiping, because there were a rare few that seemed liked they genuinely wanted something real.

I got my first match a small thrill and a rush ran through me. It was exciting to see someone was interested in me, because I wasn’t getting any interest face to face. It became addicting to see how many people I could match with and which ones would message me.  

I got a few messages that didn’t seem to go anywhere. I got messages about wanting to hookup. And messages that were weird and I quickly unmatched. But as time went on, it began to make me feel bad about myself. I kept asking why did he unmatch me? What did I say wrong? Why was I only good enough if I put out? It was when I was talking with one guy, and it was for a while, he realized I wasn’t going to put out, he unmatched me, and I deleted the app for the first time. It hurt that I could have a conversation with someone and the only thing he could think about was just sex.

 I had one awkward date with a guy, one terrible and damaging evening with another. There was a sweet movie night with a guy and his beautiful dog (I was more excited about the dog). But, none of them lasted more than that time. They all varied, but ultimately, they all made me wonder why I couldn’t get at least one of these guys to like me outside of the app.

Over the course of a year I kept redownloading and deleting the app. Sometimes it was out of boredom, other times it was because I was in a desperate state, watching all my friends get into relationships and I continued to be the third wheel. At my lowest, I just wanted to find a guy that just wanted to hookup, forget the emotional connection and just have the physical contact, because that’s all I thought I would get. The only way I could get a guy interested in me is if I put out.

Now, I’m not saying that Tinder is bad and that my opinion on it is correct. Everyone has different needs and wants. Mine just happens to be the romantic kind. Where I want that connection and not just sex and random hookups with random guys. I want to be swept off my feet and make a deep connection with some I can tell about my day and have late night conversations. Unfortunately, after seven attempts I’m finally realizing Tinder is not the place I’m going to find that.

I don’t regret having a Tinder, I’m sure that people have had successful relationships, or have had their wants and needs fulfilled, thanks to the app.

But for me, it was an experience that opened my eyes about what I want, what I need, and what I realized.

I'm a girl that likes to be romanced. I need more than a physical relationship. I am content and happy with being single.  

I am worth so much more than a hookup and will not let a guy dictate how I feel about myself and tell me what I'm worth.