Heartbreak is something that almost every person has gone through or will go through in their lives. Sometimes it will be calm and mutual, other times there will be anger, infidelity, and betrayal. Whether a breakup is wanted or not, sometimes after it happens, it can feel like you lose a part of yourself that perhaps you didn’t even know was there. When you let yourself get so deep into a relationship or “situationship,” and you give it your all, you don’t know what to do when it ends.
After a breakup, taking a step back and reflecting on your current situation can prevent a lot of pain and hurt. This is what I’ve done in the past to help myself move on.
1. Allowed myself to be sad
Whether the relationship or situationship lasted a week or a year, the effects of it could be monumental and life-changing. Things happen, relationships end, and it’s all part of life, but you’re still allowed to feel what you want. When I went through a breakup, I knew I had to allow myself to be sad and go through the motions in order to feel better. The more I tried to hold it in, the harder it was to move on. So, I allowed myself to feel whatever I wanted. When I was sad, I would cry it out and when I wanted to talk about it, I confided in my friends. It’s not until I did this that things got a bit easier.
2. Gave them space
One of the hardest things during this time is not reaching out. Sometimes you feel so sad and miss them so much that all you want is to call them and talk to them like before. But, what I’ve realized is that most of the time, all they want to do is move on, and the fact that I’m not giving them space only makes them not want me even more. So instead, I’ve noticed that giving them space also gives me the space I truly need to move on more easily.
3. I Found new hobbies and things that made me happy
After a breakup, sometimes you’ll find yourself with nothing to do. You might feel like the only thing that made you happy was your partner. In my own experience, I’ve realized this was my mind trying to trick me because of how much I miss them. When this happens,I’ve learned that hobbies and finding new things to do is very helpful. Journaling, baking, and going for walks are some things that have helped me when I’m feeling down. At the end of the day, the space made me realize that they probably wanted me to move on and enjoy myself as well, without thinking about them too much. Hobbies are a great way to do that!
4. Leaned on my friends
Often, when you’re in a relationship, especially your first one, you might focus a lot of your energy on your partner and their needs. The beginning of a relationship is often unforgettable; you feel special, and when it feels right, you forget about everything else in the world. However, even though feeling that way is amazing, I’ve learned to never lose sight of what matters, like the people who were there for me before the relationship and who I know will be there after. Most of the time, the people who stick around are real friends. They’re the ones who will be a shoulder for you to cry on and a hand to hold when you need it. Though much of my own process of getting over a breakup is on my own, having supportive friends has helped me get to the finish line quicker.
5. found a way to be okay with letting go
One of the hardest things I have personally had to deal with during a breakup is being okay with the possibility of never being with that person again. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but when I realized that the only way to get over someone is to be okay with letting them go, things got a lot easier. Though it’s hard to say or even think of, when I stopped seeing my future with that person and began seeing my future on my own, I began to cope with the breakup so much better. Not only that, but it helped me learn to be alone without being lonely. However, to realize this, I had to go through all the emotions and find my own way to move on.
In the end, I knew that if I genuinely cared for this person and they did me, they’d come back. If they don’t, it just wasn’t meant to be. I let myself feel sad, feel happy, and feel whatever I needed to feel. Reminding myself that it’s not a race to move on, taking things slow, and keeping myself in check were some the best things I could do. I knew that in the end, the person who would come out of this would be stronger, and that’s all I could hope for. So, I listened to Taylor Swift and watched all the romcoms I wanted, showed myself compassion as this is a hard process to go through, and always remembered to be patient and kind to myself.