Deciding where to attend college was one of the most difficult decisions a teenager can be faced with. Should you go to a community college or straight to a university? Should you choose the most academically rigorous college I got accepted to, or the easiest? The looming question was whether to go away or stay home. This question plagued my mind because I truly didn’t know what one experience held compared to the other. As for myself, I decided to leave my town in the Central Valley and went 3 hours away to Cal Poly SLO. For me, leaving home for college was always a guaranteed decision, but when it came to facing that decision there were aspects, I wish I had been aware of. That’s why I’m writing this article to hopefully help some prospective students who need some perspective.
When I moved away from home for college, I expected sadness, loneliness, and likely misplacement. This was true for the first little bit of time after moving in and saying goodbye to my parents. Usually, schools tried to mitigate this feeling by overloading their students with orientation activities and events. During this time, adrenaline, excitement, and hope were high; I was meeting so many new faces, sparking new friendships while getting used to my campus. In my mind at least, I thought it could only go up from there. Then the dust settled; for me personally, I started to feel lonely and out of place. My overthinking was on a high, and I was caught up in trying to connect with everyone, worried about how I was portraying myself, and all at the same time missed my family and the familiarity of home. I want you to know that this feeling is normal, and it doesn’t mean leaving home was the wrong decision; it’s just you responding to change. My advice is to try and recognize when you’re overthinking and pause. Pause and know that what you’re feeling is temporary; people are more concerned with themselves than how you act, and if you are kind, genuine, honest, and thoughtful, then you’re on the right track. When I got to college, I tried to curate this image of myself that wasn’t sustainable and realized people initially wanted to become friends with me because they connected with my true personality, not an embellished version of myself. It sounds cliché but be yourself and group with friends that are putting effort to want to connect with you.
Leaving my family and friends did not get any easier, but the time spent with them felt more valuable. Before I left for college, my mom and I would have dinner, watch a movie, and talk. Our nightly routine consisted of grilled chicken and Gilmore Girls. Naturally, this ritual was something I took for granted, but now I longed for her homecooked meals, the smell of garlic in the kitchen, and unwinding on the couch. Now, whenever I was with my family, I felt present, content, and grateful. That brings me to my next point, which is being away from home made me feel incredibly grateful for the previously routine activities, events, places, and people of my pre-college life. I was from a town where authentic Mexican food was easily available to me, where I could go into restaurants owned by my friend’s parents and say hello and maybe get a free drink. Being a freshman without a car I can’t go to all my previously routine places where I could get Mexican sweet bread and a coffee. This seemed to put an iridescent coating on my routine ways of life in the valley, and this feeling of melancholy and gratitude translated into my whole life. Every college moment I had, I realized I had worked to get to where I was at, but also cherished it because life always changes. This brings me to my next “Wish I Knew” …
Life constantly changes, which depending on your personality could be a positive or negative aspect of life. I felt like we all knew that life changed as we got older, and we were all taught that throughout our lives. Switching from high school to college was a massive change, but more so when you left home. I feel strongly that leaving home and living independently has conditioned me to change and provided me with an advantage when I dealt with more change as my life progressed. Massive change forced me to encounter parts of myself, my belief system, and what I desired out of life overall. It was a gradual but moving experience that started me on the journey to discover myself and become independent.
All the things that you feared in high school didn’t matter when you went to college. This generally applied to any sort of college experience, but I included this in relation to moving away as well. In high school, I remembered close friends being afraid to leave friend groups that they weren’t happy in or feeling stuck in relationships, sports, or clubs that had proven to be unfulfilling. When you’re in college away from home everyone is doing their own thing, and they don’t care about what you’re doing compared to what they’re doing. Compared to high school, I remember there were so many decisions you think you have to make, or situations you think you’re stuck in. In reality, the only one on the losing end is yourself because you have chosen decisions that affect your happiness based on the fear of the perception of others. Being away had instilled in me that you could do absolutely whatever makes you content, and no one will care otherwise.
This anecdotal experience is paradoxical because this was a “Wish I Knew” article, but I didn’t wish for any part of my learning experience to be different. A large part of growing up and maturing was going through the bumps and finding myself in pain and in happiness. So, for you, I hoped you took value out of these experiences, but I also hope you chose to live boldly despite it all.