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Wellness > Sex + Relationships

5 Things to Consider Before Turning Your Friend into a Friend-with-Benefits

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Cal Poly chapter.

“It never works.” “Somebody always gets hurt.” “You’re just cheating yourself out of a real relationship.”

These are just a few of the phrases we’ve all heard about friends-with-benefits relationships. But are these things really true? Turning a friend into a friend-with-benefits can make or break a friendship. Here are some questions to ask yourself before making the leap.

1. Can your friendship survive if it doesn’t work out?

Let’s be honest: friends-with-benefits can get messy. Sometimes you find that you’re not sexually compatible. Sometimes things just don’t feel right. Sometimes you realize you’re not really into them like that, like, at all. If this happens, can you go back to being just friends with minimal drama? 

2. Do either of you have feelings for each other?

Friends-with-benefits can be great. But being friends-with-benefits with someone you have actual romantic feelings for, or vice-versa? NOPE. This one will lead to someone getting hurt. Be honest with yourself: Are you just looking to hook up or, or do you actually want something more?

3. Are you cool with them hooking up with other people?

Can you handle it being “no strings attached” in every aspect — including seeing them with other people? Will they get jealous if they see you with someone else? Some friends-with-benefits are totally cool with having no strings whatsoever. Others prefer to have some boundaries set in place.

4. What if one of you gets into a relationship?

For most people, friends-with-benefits is fun, but not necessarily long-term. Can you end things amicably if one of you starts seriously dating someone else? Would it be totally weird meeting their significant other in the future? 

5. Finally, what do you want out of a friends-with-benefits arrangement?

Do you want someone to regularly have sex with? Someone just to make out with at parties? Do you still want to hang out and talk as friends or do you want them to only call you when you’re down to hook up?


Friends-with-benefits can be a ton of fun if both people approach the relationship with consideration, respect, and clear boundaries. If you’ve considered all of these things and feel your pal is a great match, then don’t hesitate to make the switch from just friends to friends-with-benefits.