Ah, the holidays, that magical time of year when families come together. For me, this has always been the only time of year I see my extended family in one place. It’s sweet and all to see my dad reunited with his three siblings, but when you tack on some spouses and some kids, we’ve got a decent sized bunch. Did I mention that this congregation has always happened at my house?
1. Uncle Randy brings his own groceries from Trader Joes.
2. Uncle Randy insists on cooking us at least one organic, healthy-ish meal; it’s usually a breakfast of gluten-free pancakes with organic syrup.
3. My two little cousins binge hard on cartoons because they don’t have cable at their house (you guessed it, Randy’s kids). We watch a lotta Spongebob during the holidays.
4. We accidentally let the cousins watch something Uncle Randy deems inappropriate.
5. Aunt Kathy and her husband Trent get a hotel because it is worth it to them to have a somewhere to retreat to at the end of the day.
6. Uncle Randy willingly sleeps anywhere in our house, because why pay for a hotel when there’s a perfectly good living room sofa to sleep on?
7. Aunt Kathy uses one of her nieces or nephews as an excuse to see the latest kids blockbuster. Couple years back she took me and the cousins to see Tangled.
8. We ask Uncle Mike the computer wiz the fix something about our computers that we’ve left unattended because we’ve been waiting to have him fix it. He then tries to teach us how to prevent said problem through computer maintenance, but no one listens.
9. Dad shares something funny from the internet with his siblings, because old people don’t send each other funny links via Facebook like we do. Last year he was very eager to share the “Cat Jump Fail to SAIL by Awolnation.”
10. I show Aunt Kathy something about the internet. Last year it was Pinterest. She spent an hour browsing the humor page, then when I showed her that she could search things she spent twenty minutes looking at pictures of Viggo Mortensen.
11. My dad and uncles tell the story of how when they were kids they found Aunt Kathy’s mail from the Barry Manilow fan club and teased her mercilessly for it.
12. Aunt Kathy and Uncle Trent talk about the latest Barry Manilow concert they went to.
13. Uncle Trent gets up at 5 every morning and talks about growing up on a farm.
14. I become the go-to, professional gift-wrapper because I love wrapping presents. I love it so much.
15. Everyone debates something nerdy. Once it was unrealistic swordplay used by Jedis in Star Wars. Another time it was whether or not the platypus can be considered a mammal.
16. Aunt Kathy remains unconvinced even after evidence against her stance is looked up and presented to her.
17. We watch A Christmas Story so many times. (If you haven’t seen it, you’re missing out; TBS usually plays a 24 hour marathon on Christmas day).
18. We all constantly quote A Christmas Story. “You’ll shoot your eye out!” “I can’t put my arms down!” “Oh fudge!”
19. My dad gets out his miniature version of the famous leg lamp from A Christmas Story, and puts it proudly on display for all to admire.
20. We also watch National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation a lot. Gotta love them Griswolds.
21. The grownups all bond over good coffee in the morning, and good beer in the evening. Ain’t no herbal tea drinkers in this family.
22. Despite the chaos, we enjoy this one time of the year we’re together in one place.