I believe most people are familiar with the term “serial dater”. If not, and your first thought goes to Ted Bundy (if you haven’t seen the documentary on Netflix, you need to watch ASAP) then I hate to burst your bubble, but it has nothing to do with murder. To put it simply, it is a phrase given to a gal (or guy) who is always in a relationship. As soon as one relationship ends, they move on to the next, and so on. If you had hopes of me going in-depth about my long string of heartthrobs who I dropped as soon as I found a new piece of eye candy, I hate to disappoint. But I am not a “serial dater”. However, I have found that I follow the same trends when it comes to friendships, so I have come to label myself as a “serial friendshipper”.
As far back as I can remember, I have had a best friend. Some lasted years, other lasted months, but ultimately, we would have a falling out, they would move away, we would drift apart, etc. Immediately after it ended, I searched far and wide for a replacement. I REFUSED to be without a best friend. This endless cycle continued until the start of college. This is when I realized the fault of only having one close friend. The reality of the situation is, sometimes you are going to be left out (which sucks, I know). They most likely have other friends or other commitments which means you get pushed to the back burner on occasion. It took me years of feeling left out and listening to my “it’s ok to cry” playlist on repeat before I decided I no longer wanted to be a “serial friendshipper”.
For one, it is not fair to expect one person to always be there to hang out with you, they have a life outside of you. Also, over the years, I pushed away so many other great people because I believed that having one best friend was enough and I did not need anyone else. I remember my mom told me constantly throughout high school, “don’t put all of your eggs in one basket”, and of course, thinking I knew best, I didn’t listen to her. But she was right and as cheesy as it sounds, you need to roll up to your neighborhood Target and buy yourself a cart full of egg baskets because one is just not enough.
I hate that it took me 19 years to figure that out, but I get it now. I have sworn off of trying to find the perfect best friend, because why limit yourself to just one? There are so many amazing people to meet out there, all of which could be one of your new besties. So I challenge you, if you find yourself in the “serial friendshipper” category, let go of the need to only have one person in which you invest yourself. Let go of the traditional definition of a best friend, and rewrite it to fit you. Have 5 best friends, have 10 best friends, have as many as you want! At the end of the day, just surround yourself with a group of people who will never make you feel the need to turn on your “it’s ok to cry” playlist.