If you consider yourself to have some people-pleasing tendencies like me, you’ve probably associated agreeing to every opportunity that comes your way with being a good person. A friend wants to get coffee? Of course, you can fit that into your schedule. A networking opportunity pops up out of nowhere? You’ve already RSVP’d before you even read through the entire email.
As wonderful as it is to have so many great opportunities at your fingertips, it’s all fun and games until you realize that you can’t even find time to catch your breath in the midst of your busy schedule. After countless nights I’ve spent collapsing into bed after a long day of overextending myself, I find one question has been at the forefront of my mind–what is my overcommitment doing to me, and more importantly, how is it making me look from the perspective of those around me?
In one of my Communication classes, my professor assigned us to track our commitments for a few days to gauge how often we actually follow through with our plans. During this exercise, I became hyper-aware of the things I would agree to more often out of politeness than anything else. I realized that I would make plans in the moment, without completely thinking through my schedule, and have those plans come back to bite me when I was swamped with work and feeling run down from taking on too much.
So then, I began to consider how my cancellations looked in the eyes of others. Sometimes, in the case of a dire emergency, canceling is accepted and understood. But when it becomes habitual because you’re avoiding confrontation or you’re too afraid to say “no” right off the bat, that’s when it’s time to make some changes from within.
Whitney Johnson’s article in the Harvard Business Review explains that while agreeing to plans makes us look better in the moment, canceling plans makes us appear untrustworthy to those we have let down. We want to feel like we can say “yes” to everything and tackle it all, but, at the end of the day, we can only handle so much. Knowing our limits is a sign of being mature and having consideration for others.
In addition to making a negative impression on your peers, spreading yourself too thin inhibits you from being your best self. If you’re constantly jumping from one engagement to the next, you’re not reaching optimal focus and producing the best work that you’re capable of. If you’re constantly spending time with people, you’re not giving yourself the proper amount of alone time to reflect on and grow from these interactions. Ultimately, it’s hard to know exactly what you want in life if you’re continuously agreeing to plans without thinking them through.
After considering how bad it feels to wear yourself out from over-commitment and cancel on others last-minute, what can you do to rectify these behaviors? The most important thing you can do is realize that setting limits for yourself are not just beneficial for you, but also for everyone else you come into contact with. It’s gratifying to agree to plans at the moment, but constantly canceling can lead to a reputation of flakiness. Anyone can agree to plans, but not everyone has the self-awareness to say “no” when they know they are incapable of following through. Be the person that is honest with others, even when you don’t have good news, and it will speak volumes about your character.
Also, taking time for yourself to partake in hobbies and activities you enjoy instead of agreeing to plans is not a bad thing. Sometimes, it’s more productive to be alone or do something completely of your choosing than it is to agree to something that you really didn’t want to do in the first place.
Overall, the sooner that you can nip your overcommitment tendencies in the bud, the more confident and secure you will feel in making decisions in general. It’s ok to not be able to take on every opportunity that comes your way, and setting limits will help you choose which commitments will personally benefit you in the long run.