When I was in middle school, people would tell me how much they loved high school and how it would be the best four years of my life. I remember being so excited to become a freshman and see for myself what all the hype was about. My sister was popular and talked so highly of her experiences. I was also a huge fan of 80s high school movies which made me all the more excited to begin. However, my high expectations were met with the harsh reality that high school was not the time of my life. Instead, I was an awkward girl who never really came out of her shell and did not come close to the popularity my sister had.
As much as high school brought down my confidence, I was very optimistic about beginning college. My favorite thing about college is the fact that it allows you to reinvent yourself. If you were not outgoing enough in high school, you can put yourself out there in college and form a new and improved identity. I was so ready to put my shy high school reputation behind me and truly be myself in a new setting.
College did just that. I became the person I always wanted to be. I talked more in class, I was more outgoing with new people and I started sharing my sense of humor instead of hiding it. My college friends would probably laugh at anyone calling me “shy”. Nowadays, I am the farthest thing from it. I truly believed that my high school reputation was gone forever and I would never have to face it again. Unfortunately, this was not the case.
I went to a party recently that was populated with a lot of people from my high school. I do not go out with people from my hometown while at school, so I was a bit nervous. However, I went anyway because I thought it would be nice to catch up with some old acquaintances and I knew I would be in the company of my sister and one of my best friends. What I did not anticipate was how I felt when I walked into the party. I wasn’t the new and improved college Colleen anymore. Instead, I became the shy high school Colleen who didn’t feel good enough. I was very confused because I never expected to feel this way again. However, I was mostly angry with myself for feeling like I had something to prove. I am not close with any of these people and yet I felt like I was beneath them. Just like I became the outsider, my sister became the popular girl again who was having the time of her life. I couldn’t believe how something as little as a high school reputation could affect me even after I finally thought I was content with myself.
Although going to this party wasn’t one of my smartest decisions, I can look at it as a lesson learned. I realized that no one at the party made me feel bad about myself… I did. After some reflection, I realized that this party did not ruin the progress I’ve made over this past year. I am still comfortable with myself and remain outgoing and will voice my opinions when I see fit. I felt foolish the day after the party because I let the shallowness of the high school years define how I felt as a college sophomore. I have nothing to prove to these people and I know that once and for all.
Bottom line, no one should let their high school reputations define them. At the end of the day it does not mean anything! No one will care if you were prom queen six years ago or made homecoming court four consecutive years in a row. They also won’t care if you failed to make the cut for mock elections or had a date for the dance. People are always evolving and are always learning and becoming better versions of themselves. Even if you sometimes feel like you’re back in high school, realize how far you’ve come. From now on, I plan on looking forward and surrounding myself with people who know the real me. I am also not going to let someone from my past make me feel inferior. No matter who you were in high school it does not define who you are today. Let’s just say 80s movies will be the closest I will get to reliving high school… and that’s fine with me.