My mom is an excellent judge of character, and the older I get, the more I value this trait. When I have gone through breakups, friendships ending, or disappointment about people I had high hopes for, my mom has always been there for me. Although she is an excellent judge of character, and probably sees the heartbreak I have endured coming from miles away, she lets me make my own mistakes and always steps in to help me to clean up my own messes.
One of the most important lessons that she has taught me is that there are three types of people that you’ll have relationships with in your lifetime: reason people, season people, and lifetime people.
Reason People
People who come into your life for a reason are who my mom refers to as reason people. Reason people are often the people that cause the most heartbreak and disappointment. This is because, often, reason people are those who teach you a lesson the hard way. Perhaps a reason person is in your life to teach you that you can handle heartbreak, no matter how much you don’t believe that you can. A Reason Person might teach you that not everyone can be trusted, or should be trusted. A reason person might also bring back joy and happiness into your life after your trust – or your heart – has been shattered. Some reason people remind you of your reason for staying alive and fighting every day.
Although the lessons you learn from reason people might vary, the one thing that reason people all have in common is that they are not meant to be in your life forever. Eventually, reason people will teach you the lesson that they are meant to teach you, and you will both move on. While it might hurt to bid these people farewell, their absence and the lessons that they leave behind create room for a different group of people to come into your life: season people.
Season People
Season people are in your life to walk alongside you during a certain times in your life. Sometimes, season people are in your life for short periods of time, and others for longer periods of time. Regardless of the length of time that season people are in your life, they’re there to experience a season of life with you. Sometimes they take the form of friends in class who survive an awful professor with you. Sometimes, they’re friends who saw you through your Avril Lavigne stage and encouraged you to wear more black eyeliner because “there’s no such thing as too much”. Sometimes they’re sorority sisters who you lose touch with after college. Regardless of the form that season friends take in your life, season friends are those who survive the ups and downs of life with you and are very valuable.
During freshman year, a lot of people I ended up developing relationships with were those who lived in my residence hall because of the close proximity, or those I befriended because of the crippling fear of being alone during college. Despite having nothing else in common than what hallway we inhabited for two semesters, I was lucky to have form good friendships with the women I lived with. I have a special place in my heart for all of the people who were a part of my early college season of life, and have loved watching them grow in college even though we aren’t in each other’s lives as seniors.
Having reason people and season people in your life is vital to growing up and learning about yourself. Although sometimes it hurts to bid them farewell from your life, there is one kind of person that will be around from the moment they enter your life until the moment either of your lives are over. These important, world-changing people are lifetime people.
Lifetime People
Lifetime people are the most important people. Lifetime people are family, either by blood or by choice. Lifetime people teach you lessons, and walk with you through ups and downs of life. The difference is that relationships with lifetime people evolve instead of ending. Lifetime people are the ones who prove that they are worthy of your time. Lifetime people earn their spot in your life, and the relationships you have with lifetime people are the most important relationships to maintain.
Lifetime people love you endlessly, love you fully, and love you because of your flaws and not in spite of them. In my experience, lifetime people are the ones who can spot the reason people way before you do. And lifetime people are the ones who pick up the pieces when you’re broken. No matter how long it has been since you’ve talked to or seen your lifetime people, it feels as if no time has passed. Lifetime people come in many forms, but they all have a special something that makes them absolutely irreplaceable.
I’m lucky to have a wonderful immediate family who I love dearly. I know that if I were to call either of my brothers or my parents and tell them I need them, they would drop everything to help. They are lifetime people.
My oldest friend is named Courtney. She and I have been best friends since we were 5. Although there have been times in our lives when our relationship was strained, we always find our way back to each other in the end. We always pick up where we left off, and we always forgive each other because our lives are truly better together than they ever could be apart. She is a lifetime person.
It is important to remember that lifetime people are still people, and thus they are not perfect. They will often make mistakes, will sometimes hurt you, and might piss you off more than anyone else ever has. In fact, they usually do piss you off more than anyone else ever has. But lifetime people are the ones you forgive over and over again, because they’re worth forgiving. Lifetime people fill a spot in your heart and life that cannot be filled by anyone else.
Inevitably, during college you will experience heartache. Friendships will disintegrate. Tinder dates will ghost you. You’ll have to let relationships go. People will disappoint you. Although it will hurt when someone you thought was a lifetime person turns out to be a reason person, don’t dwell on the loss of them in your life. Instead, be thankful that now there is space for a real lifetime person to come into your life and pick up the pieces.