There is No Wrong Way to be 20

At the time I am drafting this, in August of 2018, I am a month and some change away from being twenty years old. But I brand this article about being twenty for a number of reasons.

1. I’m functionally 20.

2. Everyone I know is at least 20.

3. It’s a very, very snappy number.

I spent the summer away from my college town, back in my rural hometown located functionally inside a wormhole where time stops. Lots of things happen around you, but nothing ever happens to you.  

I’ve analyzed a lot of phenomena. Trendy music gets to you two months late in a small town, for example, even with the advent of social media. Everyone you went to high school with was doing drugs the whole time and never told you. You are the only person in the whole world who doesn’t have a tattoo and doesn’t regard getting one as a priority. Nobody quite understands what you want to do for a living.

Also, it seems like everyone you’re close to is getting married.

Just yesterday, you guys were drawing little cartoons in English class and making up nicknames to talk about your crushes in code. Now she’s marrying one of those code word crushes. They are combining bank accounts and houses and all that good stuff forever. They’re basically your parents now.

And for the first time in your life, you realize that maybe you don’t want to live your life exactly parallel to that of your best friend since fourth grade. Your mind isn’t on catering or which field to take engagement photos in at sunrise. Your mind is on which Big Brother contestant is going home this week, or when you’re going to request hours at your job between classes, or what you’re going to write your next Her Campus article about. (Maybe this is just me.)

But there really isn’t anything wrong with your friends getting married; 20 is technically the age of an adult. My parents got married at 22, after my dad graduated college. Plenty of people totally make it work for a long time at our age.

I don’t feel like my engaged or married friends are wrong. I don’t feel like I’m in the wrong place in my own relationship, as we’re just enjoying each other’s company in a neat little monogamous college way. I don’t feel like single people or those dating around are wrong. Working full time at 20 isn’t wrong. A gap year isn’t wrong. Having a kid isn’t wrong. Whatever version of this life is okay.

I don’t expect to feel like an adult at 20. I feel like nobody ever does. We’re all just doing what we think is right at the time. And usually we’re right.