My dear friend Bella passed away on September 19th, peacefully and painlessly. She was 14, and she was beautiful. She had thick, jet black hair with a smattering of white and soulful, big brown eyes. She was happy, she was intelligent, she was loving, and and she was the best dog that I have ever had. So many of my friends loved Bella, and I’m pretty sure my boyfriend feels as if he lost his real girlfriend when we lost her.
For the last week, I have woken up every morning and opened my phone to see the smiling face of one of my best friends, like I have for almost 4 years. Every morning, I have to re-experience the heart wrenching feeling of knowing that she is no longer a FaceTime or a two hour drive away, and it feels like I lose her all over again.
My family often refers to Bella as our Facebook puppy. When she was a few months old, someone posted an ad on Facebook that showed a picture of the cutest little wiggly, black puppy. She was found walking down the side of a highway, and she was rescued by a kind man who simply couldn’t handle the responsibility of having a puppy at that time.
I believe that one of the hardest parts about being away from a pet for an extended period of time is the inability to explain to them why you sometimes leave for months at a time. Now that both of my siblings and myself are out of the house, Bella was often sad when we weren’t around. One of the most comforting parts of losing her is that for the entirety of the holiday season, all of my family was together, and she was happy and surrounded by love during her last days. She also got a very special last day which consisted of lots of love from my parents, and lots of snow – which was her absolute favorite.
During my freshman year at Butler University, I lost another dog. Our sweet, goofy golden retriever, named Moki, suffered from cancer for almost a year before he departed this world. He was the kindest, gentlest dog who loved to smile and to howl. He was 16 when we lost him, and it truly felt as if I lost a sibling when he passed. I was thankful to have the distraction of being in college and having classes during the worst of the grieving process, as well as good friends to help me through it. I, personally, believe in an afterlife and the thought of Bella being reunited with Moki gives me joy and comfort.
If you have to experience loss of a pet while you are in college, I am very sorry. Do yourself a favor: let yourself grieve. Do not let anyone tell you that you are not allowed to grieve because you “just lost a pet”. Your pain is real. How you feel is valid. If anyone disagrees with that, go ahead and kindly tell them to f*ck off. As long as you are grieving in a healthy way, how you process the loss is no one else’s concern. People who truly love you will support you, and will be there for you. Pets become family, and no one can diminish your experience with your pet if you do not let them.
To be completely honest, the thought of living in a world in which I can’t go home and get kisses from my dogs when life gets difficult is a scary thought. She was everything good, even on the worst days, and she was one of the best souls that I have ever encountered. It was an honor to have gotten to spend so many years with my pets, I truly feel blessed to have had such wonderful family members. I don’t know how to go on without her, but I know that I will.