I’ve been in a long distance relationship for over six months now. The best way I can describe it is that it feels like a constant countdown. You’re either counting down the days until you see him again, or you’re counting down the seconds you have left together. It’s a strange mixture of anticipation and anxiety that really messes with your head if you focus on it too much. So you don’t. You try to live in a bubble of ignorant bliss, but the knowledge of the distance always finds a way to come back and weigh down your soul.
You become really good with numbers and at figuring out time differences. You can glance at a clock and instantly know what time it is for him; whether he’s in class or asleep or just working on a paper.
You have countless moments of loneliness in a long distance relationship. Not being able to curl up against him causes the most gut-wrenching feeling in the pit of your stomach. So you settle for wrapping yourself in the flannel shirt he gave you and pretending he’s there. It’s a poor substitute, but you have to make do.
You learn how empty it is to resolve a fight over distance. All you want to do after an argument is to sink into his arms, but you can’t. So you find solace in the tenor of his voice in the late hours of the night, even though you both have early classes the next morning.
The emptiness is hard. Your phone is either constantly dying or dead because you’ve spent early mornings or late nights texting him. You constantly find yourself reaching out to hold his hand, only to realize he’s not there. You start craving for the mundane… to wake up and make breakfast with him or just to lie there and watch Netflix while he’s meeting a deadline for work. You realize a life of simplicity with him is all you really need to be content.
You appreciate each other’s independence. You have an increased sense of self-reliance because while he can listen to you vent about your bad day, in the end, he can’t fix it. You only have yourself to do that, and that’s okay.
You learn to stay intimate in innovative ways. You’re secure in the fact that your relationship is more than just physical. You learn to appreciate those late night phone calls or FaceTime dates and you memorize what his voice sounds like as he’s waking up or falling asleep. You send each other a constant stream of silly selfies or updates of your day on Snapchat. You learn how to share your interests with him with articulation. You pick a show, make some popcorn and watch episode by episode together, almost as if he’s really there.
You focus on the bigger picture. You focus on how it feels when you’re together, what it will be like when, finally, there is no more distance and you slowly come to realize that the distance is only temporary. This isn’t forever.
And finally, when that countdown is over, you appreciate every moment together. Everything is an adventure, whether it’s getting lost or sitting in traffic or just getting pancakes. Every moment together is one carefully memorized and stored away in your memory.
You never plan to be in an LDR. But when you’re in one, you start to realize that distance is nothing but a word.