How to Maintain Friendships While in a Relationship

It is common to lose touch with your friends when you’re first starting a relationship or are in a relationship.  This happened to me with my ex-boyfriend. Towards the end of our relationship, I found that I almost lost myself, I was too absorbed in that relationship and I only surrounded myself with him and his friend group.  This, of course, resulted in me losing touch with my friends who were outside of that friend group. I did not completely lose them, although I could have if I continued to lose touch with myself.  This all happened in high school, so it is still fairly easy to keep in touch with friends if they’re in the same classes as you.  But college is different, it is much harder to stay in touch with people when everyone’s schedules are all over the place. Here are some words of wisdom I have gathered from my friends and myself:


If you put in an effort to maintain your friendships, it offers some distance in your relationship.  This distance may seem hard, but it actually strengthens your relationship by making you miss your significant other more.  Another bonus is that you both will have more to talk about because you spent some time apart!


Another point is when you are constantly hanging out with your significant other, you two also may be fighting more.  What I have noticed with myself is that whenever I hang out with somebody a lot of times in a row, we begin to get more fed up with each other more easily.  Therefore if you take some time for yourself in a relationship, it may decrease the amount of fighting and offer the two of you a “fresh start” instead of constantly being with each other.


People often experience feeling isolated and alone when they lose a connection they had with their good friend(s).  Sometimes it’s helpful to have another person you can come to when your significant other cannot be there for you. It’s an awful feeling when you feel like you’ve missed out on so much with your friend group because you’ve been devoting all your time to your partner.  It’s always a smart idea to keep your friends close because they may understand you in a different way than your significant other.


If you and your partner can set aside time for independence, don’t think of it as a negative thing!  Doing this would actually be extremely healthy, mature, and beneficial for your relationship. My main goal when I’m in a relationship is to maintain individuality.  I cannot stress the importance of this enough!!!  Your significant other fell in love with you for being you, so please try to continue to be yourself and not change for anybody.


Lastly, college relationships are drastically different from high school relationships.  In college, you have a lot more freedom with what you choose to do in your free time. Therefore, your friends can hold you accountable for choosing to spend copious amounts of time with your significant other instead of them.  I’m definitely not saying to completely cut off your partner, just make sure to balance your time and figure out the things that are most important to you.  These may be self-care, setting aside time to study by yourself so you can focus better, etc.


I hope these tips helped you in some way!  It’s extremely hard to manage your time in general, and factoring in a relationship makes it all the more difficult.  Good luck everyone!