I have been wanting to write about this for longer than I can remember, but I quite honestly didn’t know how to put what I was thinking and feeling down on paper. I was also weighing whether I would feel comfortable in being this vulnerable, but I reached the conclusion that is echoed in a quote where Brené Brown said that, “Vulnerability is having the courage to show up when you can’t control the outcome.” However, my hope is that reading this will help you as much as it has helped me in writing it down.
Let me start by saying this: every person on this planet has something that they are insecure about. If someone says that they don’t have a single insecurity, I would have to believe that they aren’t telling the whole truth.
I believe that insecurities can work in one of two ways.
First, you might have an insecurity or maybe even a few, but you choose to continue on in spite of it. The second is that you have those same insecurities, but the pressure that builds around them causes them to rule you and your day.
And let’s be blunt here—I’ve been in both of these positions.
We’re going to talk about what it’s like to be in a position where your insecurities are in the driver’s seat and how to get the confidence to confront them, from my own personal experiences.
I have always believed that insecurities stem from a desire to be more “normal,” but in the wise words of my mom, “Normal is just a setting on the washing machine.” It’s a place that if you try to seek it out, you are never ever going to reach it. It is imaginary, and I have in time realized that I would rather spend my time finding MY “normal” over whatever society says it is in that moment.
So let’s list off two of my insecurities… it’s the internet, so where else would I rather be this vulnerable? I have acne and I also have food intolerances, which can lead me to feel really insecure about my stomach.
I only listed two seemingly small things, but they used to really impact how I viewed things.
My freshman year of college, my skin was at its worst. The fluorescent lights in my dorm room definitely didn’t help with how I saw my skin, and at the time I was also still trying to figure out what skincare and makeup worked for me.
None of this was made better by the fact that several people, although well-intentioned, tried to tell me about skincare that worked for them (when they had never had acne) or told me that I shouldn’t wear makeup at all.
I already felt uncomfortable in my skin and hearing comments about how I should change what I was doing made me feel even more uncomfortable.
I think that as a society, we have focused on what we can control about our image, and acne is honestly something that is really difficult to control. You could spend all of your money on skincare and treatments and it still might not work. Trying to accept that my skin is fine just the way it is, through every season, is something that I continuously have to work on.
Some days I might be over the moon because my skin is clearer than it has been in a while, and other days when I am breaking out for seemingly no reason, it can be hard not to beat myself up about it. It’s temporary, something that I can’t control, and it doesn’t have to impact how I view my worth.
It feels like a long time since freshman year and I definitely still have acne, but I’m not really that insecure about it anymore. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t insecure about it at all, but I’m definitely more comfortable with it. It’s temporary. I’m doing all of the “things” to help my skin, and it’s okay.
On to the next insecurity! I have food intolerances, and sometimes when I have a reaction it can leave me feeling really insecure about my stomach. I truly would not have admitted to being insecure about this until the last couple of years, and eighteen-year-old me would have absolutely cringed at the thought of admitting to this publicly.
For so long I was focused more on the intolerances themselves over how they made me feel. I never really admitted to myself that I was insecure about my stomach due to my reactions until someone changed my view on it… although I don’t know if they realize that they did. I had been subconsciously sitting with my arms more or less wrapped around my stomach. This person asked why I was sitting like that and said that there was no reason for me to feel like I needed to do that.
There was more to the conversation and I still had a ways to go before I grew more comfortable, but I am grateful for the many people in my life who, whether they realize it or not, have helped me to grow into a more confident person. Keeping people in your corner who support you in all the highs and lows of life is paramount. Take a step back to identify those people in your life who make you feel your best.
Here’s where I’m at now with this insecurity: I am going to have days where I have reactions and I don’t feel 100% comfortable, but that’s okay.
As much as I could be angry for feeling that way, it isn’t going to solve anything. I would rather be happy with the body that I have and acknowledge that it might just be working a little harder than it needs to sometimes. Intolerances, allergies, and so many other health concerns can add many more layers to insecurities that we don’t talk about enough. You are doing enough. Your body is doing enough. You are enough.
And if you’re worried about the critics? Brené Brown said it best when she said, “What’s the greater risk? Letting go of what people think—or letting go of how I feel, what I believe, and who I am?” And quite honestly, if there are critics, remember that their words say far more about them than they do about you.
When your insecurities are in the driver’s seat, the words that people say can have a greater impact on you—for better or worse. Take back the wheel, because your worth can only come from yourself. You define it and no one else.
So embrace your quirks, your idiosyncrasies, your perceived flaws… all of it. One of my favorite quotes from Bernard M. Baruch says, “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”
You matter.