You probably know the feeling; all your best friends have been posting cutesy pictures of their new SOs on Instagram/Facebook/Snapchat and you’ve been feeling salty, or worse, lonely. You start thinking about what would happen if you were in their shoes and wonder if you need to get yourself a boyfriend or girlfriend. You might shed a tear or two in the privacy of your room, and curse that cute boy next door who just won’t appreciate your unique sense of humor. Dammit Ryan!
You might wear out the binary on your saddest playlists, to paraphrase Julie from Warm Bodies, and long for that perfect, cute guy who will just get you, talks to you first and makes you feel like the most important thing since sliced bread. You’ll picture the long romantic walks in the park with his dog or cat, and the kisses you could share. Maybe you’re thinking about the way he would smile at you, and tuck your hair behind your ears.
This is where I come in and yell at you to stop what you’re doing, because you’re making a terrible relationship mistake.
The worst kind of mistake in this situation is feeling like you need to be in a relationship not because you’ve found someone who makes you feel as if you’ve got butterflies in your stomach but just because you want to escape what you feel is this sense of faux loneliness. The easily avoidable kind of mistake, because you don’t deserve this.
You don’t deserve a fake relationship where you’re happier talking about being in a relationship with the person than when you actually are with a person. You are so much more than just someone’s girlfriend, and you most definitely do not need a guy to validate your sense of self-worth. Just because you’re single doesn’t mean that you are not talented, witty, beautiful or funny enough. It doesn’t mean you’re not a great person to be around, either. It just means that you haven’t found the person you’re meant to be with yet.
So, go on, and have a cry. Be upset that Ryan-from-next-door doesn’t “want a relationship right now.” Play “I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor until your neighbors threaten to call the cops. And then accept yourself. Learn your worth and how amazing you are. Count your blessings and think of how many people do love you. Focus on the positive things that are going on in your life and become the best version of yourself that you can possibly be.
Learn a new language, go for a run or maybe learn how to cook for once. You could do some pretty awesome things with your time that you would have spent thinking about being in a relationship or actually being in a pretty terrible relationship. Think about it: if you’re in a relationship with someone you don’t really like, it’s both a waste of his time and yours, and you’ll be missing out on meeting a person who could make you genuinely happy.
This is particularly true in ‘cuffing’ season. Don’t succumb to trivial pressure from kids who don’t know any better and tie yourself down to someone you don’t really like. Allow yourself to meet someone who encourages your heart to feel the true depth of your emotions, and validates them.