The 2012-2013 school year was one full of firsts for me. Although I’m a junior, I transferred to BU, leaving sunny Miami behind and everything I knew. I had no idea what to expect or who I would meet. I swore I was going to meet a Harvard man and fall in love to a baseball player while singing ‘Call Me Maybe’ by Carly Rae Jepson. I soon realized that I lived in a fantasy, in a bubble and moving away made me grow up so much. So much more than I would have ever done while living at home, spending time with people I’ve known since first grade, and never experiencing a culture that was different from one I grew up knowing. By the end of the school year, I have actually come to realize that my life is a “Transformation Tuesday” that is constantly ongoing.
So here are five things I’ve learned about the world, people and myself (mainly myself) during my first year here at BU.
1. Not everyone is as friendly as you.
I’m used to talking to random people wherever I go. It was a normal thing, and I guess the term ‘Southern Hospitality’ has some effect to this, but back home, people are willing to talk just as much as you are. You’re not seen as “that weird girl who won’t shut up” while waiting for an iced Caramel Macchiato at Starbucks. A lot of people here, I find are either more shy or just think I’m weird for speaking so openly about how I liked their shoes, but I learned one thing, not everyone is the same. I’ve come to terms and accepted it. It was one lesson I needed to learn. ‘Not everyone is a chatterbox like you, Sanah, just get over it,’ I’d tell myself and I’d shake it off. I learned to adjust like a chameleon, but I still have my Miami skin underneath. I also learned that not everyone will like me. It sounds like I’m full of myself, but that’s never happened to me before until I came to Boston. I grew thicker chameleon skin and became the tougher girl that I needed to be to be living in the city.
2. Confidence is key.
I am so used to putting myself down and telling myself that I’m not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, and I always knew that my best friends would be there to pick me up when I felt like a pile of garbage, until they weren’t. Low self-esteem isn’t the best trait I have, but when I began to feel worse and worse about myself because no one in Boston really knew me or cared, I realized that I was my own worst enemy and that I could be my own best cheerleader. I couldn’t rely on anyone anymore. I picked up those pompoms and cheered myself on. I reminded myself that ‘I am awesome.’ I made an inspiration board that lectured me to pick my head up when I walked, that nothing is impossible, that dreams required sacrifices, and that if I didn’t leave my shell of a home, I wouldn’t be able to experience life. Slowly but surely, I became a happier person. I wasn’t faking it anymore. I was content with where I was in life and people could see it on my face. I made my own confidence boost and that is something that will never be taken away.
3. Don’t underestimate yourself.
I’m my own worst critic. I think we already established that, but I also compare myself to everyone else. My mother would always compare me to my cousins, and I’d hate her for it, but I did it to myself as well. I saw all my friends being so successful. Getting internships, earning higher grades, gaining better positions in extracurricular activities and I saw myself stuck. I attended BU because I wanted to leave the small pond and swim with the big fish, but I was drowning. I had the life vest on, but I didn’t think to inflate it. I caused my own damage by comparing myself to everyone else, but the truth is, everyone is not as put together as they may seem. Everyone has problems, everyone is going through things, and everyone has their own talents. You seriously can’t be good at everything. No, seriously, you can’t, so don’t try. You’ll exhaust yourself for no reason. So I found out what I was good at, and I stuck to it. Sure, I have my own negative moments, but I still remind myself that what I have is a gift and I may not be able to do what everyone else can do, but not everyone can do what I do.
4. It’s okay to be single.
I thought I would be able to find someone at BU who was smart, funny, charming, until I realized the boy to girl ratio at this school is definitely not in my favor. It was something I constantly thought about and it bothered me so I always kept my eyes open for someone that could fill that space, but no guy did. This is when I learned that I couldn’t focus on finding a guy in order to make me happy. I should be happy before I find someone. I’m not saying that I didn’t think about it ever, because that would be an absolute lie, but I tried to focus on other things that would better myself. If this amazing guy I’ve dreamed about popped into my life, great. If not, that’s okay too. I also realized that what I wanted in a guy has altered from a checklist to acceptance– acceptance of who he is, what he does, and how he is, not what requirements he fulfills. Throw out the high standards and focus on your single self. You won’t be this free forever, so embrace it!
5. You can’t plan your future.
I’ve always been one of those people who constantly had a plan. I knew the next ten steps I would take before making the first, but by packing up my life and moving to Boston, I realized that I’m not in control of it all and trust me, barely anything ever went my way and I’m so thankful for it. Half of the things I planned for myself were not nearly as great as what came after those failures, struggles and disappointments. Sounds like a Hallmark card, right? But its true, greater things came out of my setbacks and it made me stronger as a person. I could feel myself become defeated, but I picked myself up again and headed forward. From then on, I tried to just focus on the steps I had in front of me and not think so far ahead. It is in those moments that I learned more about myself than the image I had of who I would be in the future. This is when I started to grow. When I embraced what was staring at me in the face, took life one-step at a time, and accepted all that was thrown at me, I found that the everyday issues and achievements I gained in the present was the making of my future. I have no idea what is in store for the 2013-2014, but I know that what I learned over the past year will continue to develop within me and I will continue to grow into the adult I didn’t know I could be.