A recent occurrence has prompted me to use it as the focus of this week’s entry. I believe it to be an issue that we all struggle with at some point in our intimate lives, and an issue that should be analyzed a bit. The issue I speak of is that of getting back together. I apologize to those of you that just cringed, and empathize with you on many different levels. Yes, the subject of reuniting with that ex of yours can often become a sticky situation and a sensitive topic among friends and fellow romantics.
First and foremost, I think the most important thing to keep in mind when faced with one of these tricky situations is caution. Be cautious. Be super-duper off the charts cautious, because entering a relationship is risky enough but entering a relationship for the second time is a whole different animal. If handled rashly, and without careful thought, this second time around may set you back immensely and this may have to be something that I discuss on a more in-depth level at a later date.
One thing that is hard enough to get over, but bouncing back from the second breakup can be a challenge that many find beyond exhausting. So if that past fling of yours is slowly edging back into the picture, just make sure that there aren’t any hidden motives for him or her to do so. Be certain that you and the other person, after reaching a point of platonic friendship again, are on the same page and expect absolutely nothing from each other aside from innocent company and occasional conversation. Once you have reached this point, if things seem like they are starting to veer off in the direction of intimacy once more, pause for a second and start to analyze. No, you are not crazy and are not being one of those over-analyzing freaks. Now is when doing this is absolutely appropriate, if not entirely necessary.
First, ask yourself why it is you are both (and for this to be even remotely successful, it must be both) feeling the way you are feeling. Why have you started to reconnect again? If it is simply because you miss each other, while that is cute, it is not the proper basis for reinstating a failed relationship, especially if it did not end quite well. For a failed relationship to be successful the second time around it should be based on not only missing one another, because that is bound to happen, but it should also be based on the fact that you have both grown as individuals and learned things about yourself that maybe you did not want to know. Perhaps you are a bit annoying at times, or perhaps you really don’t give the other person enough space, or maybe it wasn’t weird that they wanted to go out alone that one Friday night. If you have indeed learned and accepted all of these things, then you may be ready to revisit that relationship because these are some of the hardest things to learn about yourself, let alone accept.
Secondly, though, make sure that you are both indeed on the same page about seeing each other as more than friends again, because if the feelings are not mutual you may in fact ruin the progress, however much or how little, you have made as simply friends. Having an ex come to you, or going over to them and igniting a friendship again can be one of the most nerve-wracking and challenging things in the realm of relationships to accomplish, so recognize that and do not, I repeat, please do not do anything that you feel, in your gut, will jeopardize that.
I realize that this is taking on bit of a different tone than that of previous posts in regards to exes and where they stand. I mean, why am I suddenly rooting for the jerk-squad? Well, because sometimes they are not all-jerk. Sometimes little bits of the old-them shines through, and it is important to give them credit where credit is due and not to ruin things. Coming from someone who did not treat the situation with as much caution as I probably should have, trust me. The relationship is already over and, whether or not a second one between the two of you is somewhere off in the future, you do not want to tarnish the potential friendship between there because getting over a broken relationship is hard enough. Getting over a broken friendship can be even harder.