With the Thanksgiving holiday just around the corner, the tradition of giving thanks sparks us to reflect on the things that surround us and evoke gratitude. This, in turn, gave me a revelation as I looked at my peers and surroundings, and the theme of quality over quantity began to take over my life.
Let’s go back a few years for context. As a teenager in middle and high school, I bounced between friend groups a lot and never felt like I truly belonged, despite having a handful of friends I’d call good, close friends. However, I never felt like I was anyone’s best friend, so the number of friends around me compensated for the lack of true quality. Come high school, I went my separate ways from a lot of those people — minus a few good ones — as I went to a different school, and, in all honesty, I felt relieved. My energy no longer matched up to theirs, and with the distance between us, it felt like these surface-level friendships weren’t fulfilling me the way they should. So the quantity fell away at the beginning of high school, but the cycle quickly came back, and I found myself bouncing between groups again and picking up one close friend from each group. It wasn’t until junior year that I established real friendships and friend groups with others, and it wasn’t until now that I realized this changed the trajectory of my life.
The friendships I made in my last two years of high school opened my eyes to what true quality friends are, and I carried all of these people with me to college, even with none of us being in the same state. I knew that if I didn’t make many friends in college my first semester, I would always have these friends to fall back on for support, and that kept me optimistic going into a new stage of life. With the presence of these quality friends in my life, I went into college specifically knowing what friendships and activities fulfill me and what don’t, and in my sophomore year of college I’ve found myself with minimal friends and a small amount of crazy nights out, but this is what suits me the best.
The realization of this theme dominating my life came to me when I looked at where I stood with everyone at BU right now. In all honesty, it seems that the cycle of quantity over quality is trying to come back as my freshman year friend group grows apart, and the need for compensation inches back into my life. But while my roommate goes out every weekend in search of new friends, I can’t bring myself to be in a situation that I normally wouldn’t be in just to not feel lonely. I would much rather wait to find the people that truly match my energy and interests, and if that means Friday nights alone in my room, then so be it.
I know from my experiences that I am capable of finding quality friendships that fulfill me, but I also know from my experiences that it takes time. I was blessed with a wonderful roommate who became a built-in best friend, yet I’ve fallen short on forming and maintaining meaningful relationships with my college peers; however, I carry with me the reassurance that I still have time, and that time deserves to be spent on value overabundance.
If you’re in a similar situation as me, take my word for it when I say the right people for you are out there, and sometimes it’s better to wait than to overcompensate with surface-level friendships. A quote that I think sums this up quite well states, “it is better to be alone than to be in bad company,” and I couldn’t have put it better myself.
I truly believe that it’s okay to walk the journey of life alone at times in order to find quality people because these relationships will be the ones that are truly fulfilling, and perhaps even change the trajectory of your life as you know it.
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